I welcome one of the friendliest and talented bloggers I have the honour to know. She is the most gentlest of souls and yet a fierce voice for women, especially those who are victims of domestic violence. Kim Sisto Robinson writes at My Inner Chick. Today, Kim shares what she learned from the tragic and brutal death of her beloved sister, Kay.
Dear, Corinne, thank you for allowing me to Guest Post on your beautiful blog today. I am honored to be here in Mumbai to talk about my dear sister, Kay, who was murdered by her husband on May 26th, 2010. It was the saddest day of my life.
11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
It was a fine cry, loud and long, but it had no bottom and it had no top, just circles and circles of sorrow.” –Toni Morrison
1. drinking bottles of wine, praying for death, and trying to figure out ways to escape my new reality did not work. I had to walk directly, fully, and completely through the fire.
2. when somebody tells you who they are with words and actions, you better damn well believe them from the very beginning.
3. murder, deception, and darkness can happen in your own family. I know. It happened in mine.
4. no matter how ferociously you want to save somebody, you cannot. NO. That person can only save themselves.
5. the human body is capable of weeping uncontrollably for 365 strait days without ceasing. I find that fact astonishing.
6. God Lives.
7. the preparation of the past prepares you for the future. For example, I memorized the 23rd Psalm two months before my sister’s murder. After her murder on May 26th, it was the only prayer I could remember.
8. mourning never ends; it is only born into the world with its sharp- ugly- good for nothing claws. The pain must be woven into your new existence.
9. In the midst of your darkest hours, light finds a way through open windows.
10. the body may die, but the love endures forever and ever and ever.
11. my sister is NO LONGER a victim; she is now part of the solution to END domestic violence.
Our family will have the 4th annual Kay Marie Sisto Walk To End Domestic Violence on May 31st, 2014. Info Here: http://www.theduluthmodel.org/events.html
Video of Kay’s Last Days / No More Silence:
This post is written for the letter ‘K’ for the Blogging From A to Z April Challenge 2014.
Such a tragedy domestic violence is and that’s a very positive way to look after all this
PhenoMenon
Pheno Menon recently posted..Knife Collection
Pheno,
Thank you for reading my mourning. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Domestic violence really must be made known. Thanks for sharing, Corrine.
Michelle,
I thank Corinne for utilizing this platform for positive, life-changing issues!! x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
So sorry about your sister, Kim. Yes, Domestic Violence should end certainly!
Shilpa Garg recently posted..K is to Kiss
Shilpa,
Domestic Violence WILL END, but we cannot do it alone. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Very poignant. This menace should not happen at all.
Jayanta Tewari recently posted..K- Keenness Wins it for You
Jayanta, I agree.
Domestic. Violence. Should. NEVER. Happen. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
This is really sad. May she rest in peace..
Priya recently posted..Chinna Vengayam Vattal Kozhambu / Small onion Vattal Kolambu
Priya,
She is at peace.
Finally. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Sorry about your sister. Nothing good with violence. And you’re correct, she’s now on a better place with God. Be strong
maanneilaganlopez recently posted..King
—Anybody who makes you “FEEL LESS than” is an abuser.
Kay is w/ God. Knowing I will see her again, keeps me moving forward. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
This was so very touching. And those pictures! Thanks Kim for sharing this, and especially for that 11th point. Thanks Corinne for hosting Kim.
Beloo Mehra recently posted..K is for Knowing, Knowing Oneself
Beloo, Kim is a keeper! You must connect with her.
Corinne Rodrigues recently posted..Inspiration For Blogging Content
So sad and tragic. My heart breaks for the family of this poor woman who was killed so senselessly. Too much of this happens and it makes me so sad.Thanks for enlightening us about this and raising awareness by hosting Kim, Corinne.
Cathy Graham recently posted..K is for Kobie
Thank you posting here today, Kim. You are a light to many women out there – may you and the memory of Kay continue to shine bright. ♥♥
Corinne Rodrigues recently posted..Inspiration For Blogging Content
–Corinne,
thank you for allowing so many women to utilize their voices upon your platform.
By doing this, you are transforming the world!
I truly believe this.
With love & gratitude & many kisses from Duluth, Minnesota.
Kim xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
OMG, truly a talented writer. Kim, your pain and loss overwhelms me.. I get sad for your loss and angry for the fact that this happens in the world. Heart braking story, but your words will give consolation to many in similar situation. Corinne, thanks for presenting Kim’s story, dear:-)
Eli recently posted..K for Key West
Eli,
thank you for reading and being a voice to END domestic violence! x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Very sorry for your loss Kim. Your sister was beautiful. May she be at peace and may your quest to raise awareness and possibly even end domestic violence be successful. God Bless.
Suzy recently posted..Life’s Jigsaw – Karma
Susy,
Thank you so much for reading this post. I love how Corinne brings awareness to so many important issues! x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Kim,
I’m reaching out to you for a great big hug. I cannot imagine your pain.
Corinne, Nice blog and thanks for spreading the word.
Manal The Go Go Girl recently posted..Shimmied through my week
Thanks, Manal.
Corinne Rodrigues recently posted..Inspiration For Blogging Content
Kim, you never cease to amaze me with your strength! You are an incredible woman and I love that I know you more and more with each post.
Love, hugs and happiness to you from a sunny South Africa,
🙂 Mandy xoxoxo
Mandy – The Complete Book recently posted..Un-Recipe – A bowl of pasta
Corrine, thank your for hosting Kim on your lovely blog today. It is so important to share with the world the story of healing and of support.
Have a beautiful love filled happy weekend.
🙂 Mandy xo
Mandy – The Complete Book recently posted..Un-Recipe – A bowl of pasta
Thank you, Mandy. This was long overdue. I love Kim and am inspired by all that she does despite her grief.
Corinne Rodrigues recently posted..Inspiration For Blogging Content
I am thrilled to see you here today, Kim. (Thank you Corinne!). Every word you wrote is true – I’ve lost so many of my dearest ones and the hurt and pain are always fresh. I feel your loss. I still remember the first time I visited your blog, years ago. (July 1, 2011 when you wrote about glorious green).
I am proud to know you – and I wear the Kay Marie Sisto Walk Tshirt with pride.
Love you Kim. Holding your hand tight in mine. Love you more than all the flowers in the Lalbagh Botanical Garden.
Vidya
Vidya Sury recently posted..Kamala Sohonie
Vidya,
I love you more than 11 white kittens playing in Minnesota snow. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
I can understand the pain of losing someone… Loved that point-God lives…indeed He does and that’s what gives us hope that this life here on earth is not the end…
Danny Simon recently posted..K for Kindness
Danny,
YES. GOD LIVES. I’ve heard His voice inside the darkness. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Kim, you are so brave! Your passion to end domestic violence in Kay’s honor is just f-ing amazing. Crying for 365 days in a row? Hoping to die? Look where you are now and how proud Kay must be! I love the video, it’s so powerful and such a beautiful reminder of Kay’s life. The fact that we might know someone suffering from domestic violence and we don’t actually see it is disturbing. Good luck with the run/walk for Kay! I wish I could be there.
lisa thomson-The Great Escape… recently posted..A Spring Kind of Mood
Sweet, Lisa,
thank you for your continued support to END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE….& being a powerful voice for ALL women. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
That you had to learn these lessons at all is heartbreaking, Kim.
Most powerful: Kay is no longer a victim, she is part of the solution. As horrific as it all is, her murderer empowered her, via his vicious act, to make a difference from the other side.
Goosebumps and tears.
Love and peace to you, dearie. xoxo
Ellen,
it has taken almost 4 years to say that….but it’s true. Something so dark has transformed into light.
WOW. xxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Number 5 on the list is soooooo true. I never knew it was possible to cry so much. Just when I think the tears are over, they come back with a vengeance. Very important blog entry, here
Mary Purpari recently posted..“K” is for Krazy Little Kitty
YES, Mary,
the body is AMAZING how it keeps on going…how the heart keeps on pumping.
x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Kim and Corrine, thank you for this post. When I was growing up, our family often seemed on the verge of domestic violence, but the weapons were usually words. Kim, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful sister.
Bob Sanchez recently posted..K is for Kerouac Park
OMGOSH, Bob,
words are like swords, razors, weapons.
They made my sister, Kay, feel small. This was part of her abuse. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Oh yes. My dad sometimes got physical, but mostly he used words like billy clubs. When I was about 20, he began screaming at me for something, hurling all kinds of insults at me while I stood there and took it. I was trembling, my arms down at my side and my fists clenched like I was trying to hold onto my sanity. He saw them and taunted me, saying I wanted to hit him but I was a bleeping coward. I denied it, saying I never wanted to hit him. But he kept taunting and taunting until suddenly I punched him in the face. We were both stunned. He didn’t speak to me for days, but I won his respect. One of his problems, I think, was that he demanded respect from his family without having to earn it. I have long since forgiven him–he’s been dead for decades–but my oldest brother will hate our dad until my brother’s dying breath.
Bob Sanchez recently posted..K is for Kerouac Park
Thank you for sharing your pain, Kim. I cannot even begin to imagine what Kay must have gone through. I read your post on your blog two days ago and it left such a deep impression on me. I join you in praying for Kay’s soul and may you have the strength to do more and more in this cause to end domestic violence.
Shailaja V recently posted..The power of Kinship
Shailaja,
thank you SO MUCH for your prayers. I believe in the POWER of them. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
My darling, powerful and poignant as usual. So few words to say so very, very much. I love you and am glad you made it through the darkness and can now embrace that light shining through the open windows (because there are more open windows every day). I can’t wait to meet Kay.
nan recently posted..Intimacy
Love you, Nan.
thank you for you continued prayers, kindness, and love. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
As always, I love you…I walk with you…I remember with you…I lift you and if I could, for even one minute I would carry the burden of your grief in my heart.
Valentine Logar recently posted..Justice for Sale
Val,
I feel your love. I send it back, dear. LOVE U. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
I am so sorry this happened to your family. I spent most of my adult life abused, and also had a family member murdered by a family member. I wish I could say it gets better, but it doesn’t. I sometimes think that education will help, that telling people the statistics, to stop blaming the victims, to stop making excuses, that these things will change things, but there are so many people who still believe domestic violence is a race issue, or has something to do with education, income, or the one I heard the most when I reached out for help, “we’ve all said or done things to deserve being hit once in awhile.” No, no one ever “deserves” to be hit, punched, screamed at or murdered in their sleep. Keep talking–that’s the only way the world will change. Keep telling people that there really is no excuse, no reason, nothing that makes this okay. It will never be “okay.”
Darla Sue Dollman recently posted..On Joy…
Darla,
Abuse of any kind is NEVER okay or acceptable. NEVER. NEVER. NO.
Thank you for using your voice to STOP it.
As for me, I will NEVER stop talking or screaming about Kay’s story until my last breath. Even then I will not stop! x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
This is a wonderful post, Kim, and you, my friend, are amazing.
xo.
Lisa,
thank you for reading, loving, commenting. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Outstanding list — ever so sorry you had to go through such heartache to compile it, though. Here’s hoping sadness will flee and happiness will descend upon you and your family and remain there! Love you bunches!
Debbie recently posted..The Value(?) of Book Reviews
Sweet, Debbie,
The happiness is just different now. We have a strong faith in GOD, so we know we shall be with Kay again. WOW. This helps tremendously. xx KISS.
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Dear Kim – beautiful and powerful post. But you always create words to stir up our hearts and minds! I know one day we will meet but while we wait for that to happen, I am so very ucky to have you in my life! Corinne- thanks for posting this on your page- we need to protect our sisters, no matter where they live. xx
Let’s make that “lucky!!!’
Elizabeth,
when we meet, I shall run up to you and HUG you tight and hard…then we shall drink wine and talk about life, writing, and cats! xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Heartbreaking. Just heartbreaking.
Carol Cassara recently posted..Sights, sounds, Sedona
Carol,
thank you for reading my mourning. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Hi Corinne, thank you so much for having Kim over here she is truly amazing. She always speaks the truth and she always speaks from her heart.
Sandra,
thank you for your continued support and love. Thank you for coming over to Corinnes’s wonderful blog, too! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
How great to see you here in Mumbai, Kim! And nice to meet you, Corinne! So, poignant as always, Kim. #1 on your list–yeah, we always have to walk through it. And #2–is so true! It’s funny how people will you tell you right up who/what they are, and so often we choose not to believe it. Xo
Debi recently posted..The Beauty of Lost Goals
Debi,
I shall never forget. Somebody asked me about Kay’s relationship w/ Mike. “When did it all begin?” they asked. “In the very beginning.” I answered. I only wish we would have known the outcome then. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
I don’t have words – everything I want to say has already been said in the comments and seems empty to repeat them. I watched and read it and watched and read it again. What strength must have come out of this for her dear sister. When I speak to Battered Women\’s groups, every story I hear is so sad and so very unnecessary. How my heart goes out to all those who have to live with this.
Carol Graham recently posted..DOGS – K is for Babe is Killed
Carol,
I love that you are helping women. We cannot do it alone….but if there are MANY of us working together…we can start a REVOLUTION. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Kim, I humbly salute you for responding to your massive loss in the most noble way: working to ensure that others don’t go through what Kay did.
Proactive Indian recently posted..Separating the personal from the political
Dear, Proactive Indian,
first of all, l LOVE your title: Proactive!
I have an idea that you are using your VOICE in large, positive ways. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
I like number 11 the most! Some good will and has come out of this horrific murder.
Liz,
I agree.
#11 has been one of my greatest lessons. xx
Domestic violence has consumed so many lives. Your post and the video is so moving and powerful. I don’t know what else to say. I am glad that your are fighting against the cause of your sister’s demise. One of mother’s cousin sister burned herself due to domestic violence. They still mourn and remember her. It breaks my heart everytime visit them.
Rajlakshmi recently posted..The Kitchen ‘K’atastrophes
O, I am so very sorry about your relative. I mourn for her, too. x
You make a very valid point, Kim – violence can happen in any country, any time, at any age. And yes, no matter how much we want to, we can’t help sometimes. I’m so glad you’ve started this movement – more women need the right support and courage to escape from an abusive relationship. Thank you Corinne, for introducing us to Kim!
Fab recently posted..Review: Creative Bits Craft Kit
Dear, Fab,
when I was taking about “SAVING” I was mostly talking about Kay’s murderer. We thought he would change…He never did. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Hey Corinne, I have read KIM’s blog before, must say I admire her for everything she is and every word she writes !
Ananya Kiran recently posted..Kainotophobia
Ananya,
thank you for reading. It is so much appreciated. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Thanks Kim ..Thanks for being so brave and so strong. It is in such life stories that we find the will to go on with all the pain, loss and difficulties in life with strength and endurance. Noone can take away the pain of your loss..but all I can say is I felt it with you and I am sure that the beautiful soul of your sister is smiling from the other side of the God and feeling proud of you!!!
shivakapoor recently posted..Condition of Dreams
Shivakapoor,
what a beautiful, kind comment.
I am always quite amazed with somebody says I’m brave, strong…
because sometimes I feel abundantly, utterly weak.
Than you for reading. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
I am saddened to read about your sister. Thank you for being so brave and working for a cause that exists almost everywhere.
Pratibha recently posted..Things you need to give up to be happy {Life Mantras}
Dear, Pratibha,
Yes, this epidemic is EVERYWHERE.
And what it’s truly about is RESPECT & being Valued.
Kay would continually say “I wish he respected me….valued me.”
he never did.
x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Thank you for trusting us enough to share the things you have learned on your painful journey.
Suzanne Fluhr recently posted..Hawaii Quilt Guild Show: E Ho’onanea I Ka Mili Kapa
Suzanne,
not only to I trust you, but I believe you can all CHANGE the world! x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
So sorry for your loss, Kim. Broke my heart to read about your sister’s murder, the video is very moving. You are courageously working to create awareness about domestic abuse and that is commendable.
Once we all know that ABUSE of any kind is WRONG and Unacceptable.
There will be NO excuse.
EVER.
Never again.
x
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Heartbreaking. Sad.
True, love endures. Thank you for sharing and spreading awareness.
Alka,
Love endures Forever. Kay lives inside of me now. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
Thank you both, Kim and Corinne for this post – it breaks my heart every time I read about Kim but it is so very impotrtant to speak out!
I will carry your thoughts in my heart today…
Lots of love,
Andrea
TheKitchenLioness recently posted..French Fridays with Dorie – Quiche Maraîchère
..sorry about the typo, of course, I meant to write “KAY” in the second line….I guess my mind was focused on all that pain…
More hugs from afar,
Andrea
TheKitchenLioness recently posted..French Fridays with Dorie – Quiche Maraîchère
Love to you in Germany, Dear Andrea. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..11 Things I’ve Learned Since Your Murder
I think that the statement that you can try so hard to save someone but you can’t. They can only save themselves, speaks HUGE volumes. I think that sometimes we feel like we are to blame for events that happen to the people we are so desperately trying to save. We have to keep in mind that we did everything we could.
You did.
Love you so much.
xoxo
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