For May, I chose the theme of ‘Flow Softly’ as I began working my way through Aundi Kolber’s ‘Try Softer‘.
Flow Softly In May
The title ‘Try Softer’ comes from Aundi’s senior who she turned to when she was going through a very difficult phase and felt that she was not serving her therapy clients. Among other things he told Aundi, he said, ‘What if – just for a change – instead of trying harder, you tried….softer?’
“Trying softer isn’t about knowing or doing the right thing; it’s about being gentle with ourselves in the face of pain that is keeping us stuck. Because no matter how hard we try, we can’t hate or shame ourselves into change. Only love can move us toward true growth. This is the love given to us by a gentle, kind, compassionate, good God—and the love we are invited to give ourselves too. Kristin Neff, the foremost researcher in the field of self-compassion, points out that compassion is different from empathy in that empathy is feeling with someone else, whereas compassion means to suffer with someone and then allow ourselves to be moved by that pain so we are motivated into action.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode–and into a Life of Connection and Joy
As I read the book and began to work on the exercises, I looked back to see how I have dealt with the trauma and pain I had experienced in my childhood. I have ‘white-knuckled‘ my way out of it – numbed my pain, bottled it, said ‘yes’ when I meant ‘no’, and bounced between feeling motivated and then going through seasons of numbness and disinterest.
I began to realize that how incidents in the past have affected me and taken away my confidence in myself. That I find it hard to commit to my dreams and to go after them wholeheartedly was one of the outcomes of this.
As a nod to being a step further in the healing process, I called an old friend and former business partner and made myself vulnerable to him. Sharing with him how I felt so conflicted about my plans for conducting training programmes really helped. Some ideas began to crystalize through the month and I hope that they take final shape at the end of next month.
Through May, I reminded myself to let things flow and flow softly.
I tried to be disciplined, yet kind to myself. I had a plan and yet let myself be open to the possibility of changing it when necessary.
How has the month of May been for you? If you chose a Word of the Year, how are you making progress with it? Do share.
I’m joining Lisa’s One Word Linkup for May 2022
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