He was a married man. He had an affair. He swore to his wife that he hadn’t. He offered to go with her on popular TV show and tell the whole world he was not cheating. She took him up on the offer. He was offered a lie detector test. He refused. Then he agreed to answer one question, because the question offered to him went like this: “Did you have an affair with Mrs…..?” He was so ready to answer that. But at the last minute they changed the question to: “Have you had an affair during your marriage?” He failed the test! (This is my condensed version of an episode on The Dr Phil Show).
So now he was not just a guy who cheated on his wife – failed in his marriage – but he was also an blatant liar. Failure or liar – which is better?
I know I have done this. Made a mistake. Messed up. Transgressed. Whatever you want to call it. Now we have to face the consequences and we wish it weren’t so. The wishing and hoping is okay. What is not okay is telling a lie to cover up misdeeds. But I have done that too. And then it all spins out of control. One lie leads to another.
Try the blame game? That’s as old as the hills too. Remember Adam? He tried it too. “It was all the snake’s fault.” That doesn’t work either.
How we long to make it all go away. Escape. We’re wishing for Control-Alt-Delete.
I’ve learned the hard way, that honesty is truly the best policy. If you’ve messed up, say so. Or else you’ll not only be guilty of failing, but also of lying. Wouldn’t you rather be called a failure than a liar?
I know I’ve often attempted to lie myself out of situations rather than admit I made poor choices. I’ve learned just how wrong this is. Why do we do this, I wonder. In an effort to look like we’re perfect, perhaps? We don’t want to embarrass ourselves, our family?
However, I’ve experienced that there is forgiveness and grace available in plenty. When I admit I’m wrong – people forgive, I feel God‘s forgiveness too. I experience the graciousness of God and his people when I admit my faults and feel truly sorry for them. And most of all I find grace and forgiveness within myself, to let it go and to be free.
Failure or liar – which is better?
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This is my response to the prompt ‘honesty’ given by Magical Mystical Mimi the host of The Thursday Blog Hop on The Writer’s Post.
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You’re not alone to feel this ways Corinne!
I liked all that you wrote and could relate to it too because somewhere or the other each one of us is in a similar situation sometime or the other. I would say being a failure is alright because you tried and you failed for so and so cause, but being a liar is something unforgivable. And yes – one lie always leads to another because you try to defend yourself or try to keep your face in-front of your family and friends.
There are never any retakes in life as they say – so we need to be so very careful of our action and deeds for they can cause more harm than good if not spoken with care.
I agree, when you seek forgiveness or simply apologize, your are letting go of a huge unforeseen burden that keeps weighing on your heart, which sometimes you don’t see till it’s late. More over, there’s nothing like seeking His grace and blessings that you do because you are humbling down and saying sorry.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
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Hi Corinne,
This was an interesting post and I believe failure is the best. Being a liar is untruthful and being untruthful really does hurt us on the inside and others too. Besides, if other people find out about the lying then is this really what we want other people to think of us?
Making mistakes is a part of life. I know it can be difficult to admit mistakes (we’ve all been there). However, we still make them and so will others. Hence, as you say, we can be forgiven. Lying on the other hand destroys trust completely.
Thank you.
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Dear Corinne,
Great topic — thank you for stirring my brain this morning.
I prefer to choose life strategies based on what works rather than on what’s right. In this case, the problem with lying is not that it’s morally unacceptable, or ‘unforgivable’ as some would say. The problem with lying is that I set myself up for a life of fearing being found out. Who wants to live in fear day in and day out?
Lying also leaves me feeling vulnerable that others are lying to me. I assume if I lie then everyone else does too. If I’m honest and authentic then I will know what that looks like in another person and I will be able to choose friends accordingly.
Finally, I believe we all lie in ways we’re not even aware of. A big part of my daily spiritual practice is designed to help me uncover ways in which I might be lying to myself so I can heal and become more empowered. I use my morning pages, Super Celestial Visioning, Tarot, meditation, dream analysis as well as other disciplines to enhance my self reflection process.
WoW! I believe I’ve discovered an issue I’m passionate about here and maybe it’s time for me to go write a blog post — Thank you! XOXOX
Dear Corrine,
A wonderful post, and a provocative question. At times, either in childhood or adulthood we have each and all “lied” our way into or out of something. The question of Failure vs. Liar makes me ponder. To fail something is to fall short of expectations (yours or others) and not complete whatever as planned/expected. Lying on the other hand is a failure in and of itself, both personally and to whomever you lied to. We all do it…whether blatantly or by omission, and we have failed ourselves first and most in doing so.
If we behave badly for any reason, with regret and are forgiven, there is still the more difficult task of forgiving ourselves. If we behave badly, are not forgiven and those person choose to “discredit” us, it is then a reflection of them…not us, and we still have to forgive ourselves.
In the end, consciously changing how we behave does not change our lives, or our past, it changes us from this moment forward.
Thank you for this wonderful post!
Be well,
Ron
Hi Corrine
Don’t we all hate to lie and to top it all off we proclaim to hate liars…where does that put us? We lie to get out of trouble and you know what I can forgive people for that, because we are not in charge.
But what gets me is the chronic liar that lies about stuff that makes no sense at all. I had a boss that told a story and I had heard it before about 6 months prior. I was expecting the ending to be one way and was in shock when I heard the new version. The first ending was fine and the second ending was just as impressive. Conclusion: the real ending was probably boring if there even was anything else.
This boss was known for lying all the time. Someone had known her for over 20 years and she lied all the time. She must have a real lousy opinion of herself.
I like the control alt delete. It works on the computer, it would be nice if we could really use it in life.
Mary
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I think it’s human nature not to want to admit we’ve made a mistake but it doesn’t make it right, sometimes you feel that the truth will hurt too much. Not just to yourself but those around you. I lived a lie many years ago, married to a man who made life so difficult, I was in a situation where I had no control of my life that everything just became a big lie. I lied to my family, I lied to my friends, I lied when I thought that the truth would deal me some kind of emotional or physical pain but most of all I lied to myself. I kept secrets because I felt that that it was the best way to remain safe but they were the biggest lies of all. No one can live a lie but once you do, you either drown in it or you learn from it. Wonderful post Corrine x
First step is to accept that you have goofed up. It takes a lot of courage to do that. But it’s the best way out says experience.
i would prefer to be a failure than a liar.. i dont know how popular a choice that is, but from experience, i hate being a liar and being lied to. On the other hand, Im ok with being considered not good enough…
Roshan recently posted..Chasing an outlandish dream
It really pays to be honest. Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking it;s just a white lie, won’t hurt anyone. But a lie is a lie, no matter what color it is. And you’re right. I’d rather be called a failure than a liar. Failures can only make us stronger. Being a liar can whip the world under our feet and still we don’t know it.
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Yes it take courage to own up to a mistake. And I certainly prefer doing that. Failure above liar for me as well.
Rachna recently posted..Teenage Children and Parental Control
Irrespective of level of guilt, one must have the guts to stand up accept the incident and apologise
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hi Corinne – yes, we have to own up to our mistakes and go for honesty as hard as it may be. Otherwise, we are just compounding one problem on top the other. THere is the power of forgiveness, as you mention. When the rich and famous transgress, they often don’t chose honesty. Not being honest after a failure is like multiplying the failure or mistake:) Own up to our mistakes and move on is the better philosophy. When we admit to wrongdoing, others will recognize how hard it was for us to be honest and be able to give us a break.
Being a failure is always better then a liar. Though accepting one’s mistake is difficult, the only person who feels bad is you. You don’t end up hurting your loved ones. I believe only people with guts can accept their mistakes.
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A lesson I learned the hard way, but am such a better person for it! Lies have an insidious way of begetting other lies, and soon both you and your excuses are spinning totally out of control. It may hurt initially to admit failure, but we do have a loving and forgiving God who is there for us, who wants us to admit our sins, not lie about them or try to cover them up.
And, just an added note – I think people do lie because they are afraid of not appearing “perfect” in the eyes of a loved one. At least, when I have lied, that was almost always my motivation. Once I accepted the fact that Jesus loves me just as I am, the pressure was off!
Blessings, Corinne, and thanks for this most thought-provoking post!
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I’m gonna come down on the side of being called a failure rather than a liar. Although I think that anybody who tries something, gives it an honest effort and doesn’t succeed isn’t really a failure 🙂
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Oh how often I wish I a control-alt-delete button!
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Great post. Failure over liar for me. I don’t think there is a single person in this world who hasn’t lied at some point in their life. The thing is to come to the realisation that lying is harmful in so many ways and then try not to repeat mistakes again. I loved the honesty in your post and the words “I feel God’s forgiveness too” resonated with me.
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Hi, Corinne! I love your post, I’d choose failure over liar anytime. But I would not call it failure because it takes guts to confess up and admit you have done something wrong or forgotten to do something you promised. And I want that ALT-CONTROL-DELETE button!
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Hi Corrinne.
This is a very thought provoking post. And i also believe that honesty is the best policy.
But there comes certain situations in my life where i am too confused about whether to choose a lie or truth. I find myself not strong enough to save myself from the repercussions. Though generally i go for honesty.
And their are certain episodes in my past for which i don’t know how to handle them in near future. I am not only embarrassed of them but ashamed too and i want to go back and delete them from my life forever.
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and i am sorry for spelling your name incorrectly.
Preetilata recently posted..Wordless Wednesday
***to let it go and to be free.***
8 POWERFUL words, Corinne! Xx
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I used to be a liar and it has landed me in soup a lot of times. I have learnt to be a failure the hard way. And when you tell one lie, you have to tell another 10 to cover that up. It becomes too tiring and worthless after a while and you wish you had told the truth the first time around. Life is more smooth that way.
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I think we all lie to avoid the stigma of society..Not all people are the same..The way people react with peer pressure is also different…Honesty is always the best route to go..but is it good enough for an already trouble group of people…Lie,But never get caught will be a better option i guess.
Failure is better. Lying can be dangerous and hurtful especially where people and feelings are concerned.
I’ve lied and it hasn’t been easy to accept the hurt that came with the lie. Forgiveness doesn’t come easily for some.
Honesty is the best policy.
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Hi Corinne,
Lie is a lie though it’s white lie 😉
Failure is better than a lie. Though we say so, we need to think what happens in real world 🙂 People do lie and defend themselves instead of admitting. I never lied. Oh… I just lied 😀 lol…
Lying is feel safer than admitting with failure. I think we care how others think about us than how we think about ourselves 🙂 As I feel that’s where we made the choice – Lie or Fail. But we can’t evade our own heart 🙂
Liars do fail and lie, while failures just fail and have room to win 😉
Cheers…
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Interesting post, Corinne – and the second one I’ve read today that touches on the issue of forgiveness (not sure if you’ve seen the one by Mary Stephenson?)
I think people sometimes lie to themselves, because they can’t face the truth of what they’ve done. It may be difficult and painful, but it’s always better to be honest and face up to our failures, forgive ourselves, brush ourselves down and move on. If other people can’t forgive us, that’s their problem, not ours.
I suspect that in life, as on computers, Control-alt-delete doesn’t work very well anyway 😉
Sue
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