This Monday’s Musings are based on the Ram Das quote –
‘We’re all just walking each other home.’
I was coming home in an autorickshaw (tuk-tuk for those of you who may not know) over a week back when I spotted him at the crossroad. I waved out to him and said ‘Hello’ but he had a blank expression. He caught up with my rickshaw and said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know you.” I don’t blame him, I’ve put on a lot of weight since I last met him. We had a quick chat at the crossroads and the first thing he told me about himself was, “I’m not married. Still single.”
With anyone else, that might have been a funny start to the conversation. But with him, I know what it meant. Having lost his parents in a tragic accident when he was young, he was brought up by his grandparents. I didn’t have the heart to ask him about them, but he alluded they had passed away. So when he said he was ‘single’ it meant more than being not married. It meant he really had no one!
This was a boy, who as a student, if you had the last class of the day, would need 5 minutes before the bell rang to go to the washroom. And he’d be back just in time for the bell with a freshly washed and powdered face. Why, you ask? Because he was desperately trying to woo a girl – not one – but any girl. After he passed out of college, he would come to visit me in college and tell me sad stories of girls taking advantage of him and fleecing him of his money. Was there something wrong with him? Nothing, apart from a slight stammer, which could be overlooked.
His behaviour? Born out of a desperation to connect with someone at a deep level.
But don’t we all need to connect to at least one person on a deep level to be understood and accepted? Yes, I know that I talk about the need to first love one self. That is vital. But so is being in a relationship where you are accepted exactly the way you are. This needn’t be a marriage or a partnership – it could be a relationship between friends, siblings, etc.
I pray this person finds someone, or many ‘someones’ to let him know that he is not alone.
Walking Each Other Home
On Saturday, out of the blue (or so it seemed), I thought of someone I hadn’t interacted with in about 4 months and hadn’t seen for almost 10 years. It was about 10.30 am when I told Jose about my thoughts and wondered why this friend couldn’t move back to this city.
The next day, I made it a point to chat with her only to find out that her Dad had passed away the morning before – close to when I thought of her. I won’t get into details, but basically she was broken not just about his passing but at the way she was treated by her extended family.
We got chatting and we realized that we both had been going to through a similar situation. Instead of me reaching out to her, she reached out to me in the chat with a sage piece of advice.
Connection? Yes. Walking each other home? Most definitely.
I know my post might come off as being confusing, but I’m attempting to convey – that we are made to be community.
Even those people who don’t like us or treat us badly are in their own convoluted way walking us ‘home’ – towards our most authentic selves.
I know that loneliness, love and relationships are topics I’m going to be exploring more deeply in the coming months….Stay tuned.
I’d love to know if this post makes any sense to you. Let me know!
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Yes! And without community, our emptiness drives us into unhealthy connections, unwise decisions that leave us emptier than when we began.
Glad to be “walking home” alongside this lovely community of bloggers.
My mom always says that we need to live in the community and can’t live alone. I always brush her off saying I have her and my family. I don’t need anyone else, the community. But that’s the thing, I need my family. I need someone who understands me. We all do because we make each other what we are.
That’s true! We always need someone with whom we can share things and connect.
I could connect with this post because there was a point in my life when I felt lonely and I couldn’t connect with anyone!
This does make so much sense. All of us, at one level or another, are looking for connection, for relationships to give our lives meanings. It’s one thing to say we need to love ourselves first and that we are our own best friends (which is true), but when for the lonely, those words ring hollow.
Healthwealthbridge by Dr.Amrita Basu
People who treat us badly make us our authentic selves?This one needs om thought.A sad sad story .We are all fighting loneliness.Again I need to be alone to write .Donot know what the solution is .A thought provoking post
Mahati Ramya adivishnu
I can relate to this line well “we all need to connect to at least one person on a deep level to be understood and accepted.”. As you mentioned the single friend, I came across one too in my life and I feel sad about them. It’s need not be a married partner but any relationship where one can receive love and have someone to listen to is important in our lives.
Loneliness is devastating. We all need connections though I would rather have quality over quantity.
This post stirred up a lot of thoughts inside me, Corinne. We need people and community. We need people who understand our feelings. We need people who don’t care for us too. I feel for the guy in your story. Loneliness is devastating. Even with my family and people I feel lonely at times. It isn’t fair that some are lonely in all sense.
the bespectacled mother
I can tell you, Corinne, more than anything else the last quote – “Even those people who don’t like us or treat us badly are in their own convoluted way walking us ‘home’ – towards our most authentic selves” makes more sense to me and it clears the confusion about the meaning of home.
Dear Corinne, This is one of the best posts I read in recent times and I feel like pouring out my heart out. I can absolutely empathise with the boy because I am in the same boat with that boy. I lost my mother quite early and had no siblings, the only person I had was my father (whom I lost last year). I have seen the dark side of loneliness and I can understand the need of that boy to connect with someone because I also felt the same all through my life…You have written it so beautifully that honestly I am falling short of words.
Corinne, this post touched specially the first part. Yes we all have the desire to connect with someone at a deeper level. To think that he is lonely and hasn’t found someone actually made me feel bad. Loneliness is a terrible thing.
I have been through situations like these when my own friends just turned their paths and never returned back to me..No clue why and I used to to be so depressed for days. My mom always advices me to be a neutral to situation and not have extreme reactions that can affect me in and out . But being lonely is terrible and loosing friends is worse….Loved this post..
This makes a lot more sense than you can imagine. The part about walking each other home struck a chord. I believe in that and as I am growing older, I am seeing how I am letting things go and learning from even folks who are not on my side.
Corinne – been a long time I stopped by but know that it’s my sheer laziness. You continue to be as awesome. Hugs and happy 2018!
Thanks Corinne for creating this space. It is really helping me in many ways. I can feel the void it creates when you know there is no one to love you in this world. How lonely and separated it makes one feel. Though sometimes one become disparate to find love or become so lost to love someone. Both the situations are tricky and complicated to handle. Emotions are crazy thing to handle.
loneliness is more poignant when you are facing a personal tragedy or loss. I often think of a friend before I accidentally ‘meet’ him or her and realise that our meeting was meant to happen however random…. and yes we are all here to lend a helping hand to those we meet along our journey of life…
I’m getting a lot from this post, actually, relating in eclectic ways. I lost my mother last summer, and am happy to report that Dad is doing well with his beloved dog and he even took on an elected post within his homeowner’s association. There, my father is making a difference. Meanwhile, I’m trying to get out of my comfort zone again despite cold temperatures, lifting weights at the health club and hanging with fellow writers, while my partner becomes more reclusive than ever. And I’ve been recalling ancient memories, hearts I’ve broken and people I’ve known. Strange times. Namaste, my dear.
Actually true, even in everyday in many small things and people whom we meet, there is something to learn. I also feel there is a destiny whom we meet and what lesson we will get from that exp. Everyday is new learning experience.
Everyone comes into our lives for a reason. Good or bad they teach us something and help us know ourselves better.
Someone once told me being lonely and being alone is not the same. You can feel lonely amidst a crowd. and you can feel loved even when you are alone.
I feel sad for that boy and I think I do know some people like him; they are so desperate to connect that they repel people by trying oh so damn hard. I am confused as to feel sorry for them or to reach out to them. Reaching out had let to them clinging so tight that I was suffocated – so relaly not sure whats the ideal way to deal with it. A kind word or the patience to hear them, led to them believing I was the ONE!! It gets very pathetic from then on and so I say that I am confused how to deal with it.
Thank you for writing about this Corinne – I look forward to see more on this.
I can understand what you mean by the loneliness and one ways relationships. It something that one should explore to understand the psyche Corinne and would love to read more. This connection on more than one level is important and goes beyond marriage or love relationships.
Not only does this post make sense it is a very sweet endearing story!
This post resonated so well…. It’s so true, such a universal thought, such a revelation and kind perspective on life… love this philosophy…