Life has so many shades to it. And so do relationships. It does seem that we’re always having to make choices with regard to our relationships. At least, it seems so to me. Given that we all come with our emotional baggage from past experiences, it’s even harder to know what’s right and what’s wrong. There’s the notion that love forgives and accepts and that everyone is on their individual journey. Then there’s another idea that we shouldn’t accept bad behaviour and move on from toxic relationships. I’m at a point where I’ve started to make new friends, tentatively. It’s scary to venture out again. I’m reminded in love and friendship there are no guarantees.
There Are No Guarantees
It’s easy to stay safe. It’s easy to isolate ourselves. To move away from all the hurt and pain and lock ourselves in. As I’m writing this, I recall the lyrics of the Simon and Garfunkel song that go :
I’ve built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain
I am a rock
I am an island
Don’t talk of love
But I’ve heard the words before
It’s sleeping in my memory
I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried
I am a rock
But is that really living?
Living and loving is being vulnerable. It’s allowing another to see my pain. It’s giving another the power to hurt me.
Terry Hershey tells a story:
Bob works as a pediatric nurse with terminally ill children. One of his “patients,” is a little girl named Emily. Emily loved playing with Bob when he visited her room. She felt safe and they become fast friends. Occasionally, Emily would talk about the time when “Chucky Lee” was “going to come.” Bob assumed she was speaking of a friend, or family member. So, one day he asked her.
Emily told Bob, “Chucky Lee comes to see me sometimes.” And then paused and added, “Chucky Lee is death. Someday Chucky Lee will come and take me away.”
Bob knew that Emily needed to personify death into a character she could understand. It made perfect sense.
“Are you frightened?” he asked.
“Yes, very much. Mostly he comes at night.”
Bob was moved by her clarity and innocence. And he wanted to protect her, to shield her from such sorrow. “At night, when you feel Chucky Lee coming, is there anything you can do to feel better?”
“Oh, yes,” Emily replied brightly, “You have to sing Jingle Bells and other love songs!”
After that Bob asked specifically about her nights.
“Well,” she told him, using a conspiratorial whisper, “Last night, I had to sing Jingle Bells three times, very, very loud.”
No one wants Chucky Lee visiting – whatever it stands for – heartbreak, vulnerability, weakness, the shattering of one’s dreams.
But to live is to experience that. To live is to risk all of these things. To love is also the same. But love somehow empowers us to risk.
Today I take comfort in this phrase.
“There are no guarantees. From the viewpoint of fear, none are strong enough. From the viewpoint of love, none are necessary.”
-Emmanuel Teney
Today I want put aside my fears, knowing well that there are no guarantees, and try to trust again.
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It’s so true that our hopes are often pinned to unreliable factors that can shift or disappear in a heartbeat. I’m grateful for hope in God who does not fail, because trusting his good intentions toward me makes it possible for me to live in hope even when I do not understand my present circumstances.
Happy Monday!
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Just what I have been thinking about since some days now.
It is so difficult to trust in people, be they family or friends. You never really know what goes on in someone’s mind, however much they say they are transparent with you. It’s so much better to live a life of solitude. No relationships, no heartache, no sorrow…But, then what sort of life will that be?
I am only being extra cautious now. But, I read somewhere that if you live cautiously, you aren’t really living!
That story is so touching, Corinne. In the fear of losing, sometimes we guard ourselves and end up losing anyway. I am learning to unlearn and accept everything on my way with a deep breath, but sometimes it’s terrifying, and sometimes it is liberating. Each day has become who won the race – fear or me!
I love how you’ve expressed this, Vinitha. The best part of it all is that we’re still trying, still learning and still living. Hugs.
The phrase at the end of the post is extremely moving and so are the story and the poem. The profoundness in this post will take time to sink in me. For now, I want to stay away from toxicity and vulnerability for the brief period that I can. Eventually I may be destined to enter into its circle and then it will be a lot of hardwork. Some relationships are a real toil.
I understand your feeling completely, Anamika. Life and love can be so confusing. My husband tells me that I overthink things, and when I move away from some people, I should stay away. It’s hard to know what is right. I’m trying my best to let me intuition guide me.
Oh this is so true. There are no guarantees in friendship because there’s two people involved š In our humanness we hurt each other; intentionally and unintentionally. I’m so thankful for the ONE who’s relationship is guaranteed!
Have a great day!
~Sherry Stahl
xoxo
Visiting you from the blogging good time link up. laurensparks.net
There are no guarantees but you hopefully choose with more insight the next time, and you also alter your behaviour a little too. We can try and fail, but it’s not a failure if we try again. #ABloggingGoodtime and #Mondaymusings
This is so true. No guarantees what so ever. I think being open and letting go of expectations makes it easier but in practice and with loved ones, this is also the hardest.
A good post, Corinne. Made me reflect.
Firstly let me say thank you for your comment on my blog post as it truly meant a lot to me. To be vulnerable, to risk everything is hard, to pen ourselves up after loss or betrayal is almost impossible, but to close off is no way to live, if we close off we miss the most beautiful, intimate and pure moments of our life. Sending love your way xx Love Kylie Thanks for linking up #ABlogginggoodtime