I’ve been thinking about the things we keep.
When a friend came to know that one of the pet names my Dad called me was ‘Cinnamon’, she decided to call me ‘Cardamom’! When my birthday came around, she gave me a card. I’m sure it’s still around somewhere among a pile of cards and letters I’ve kept – a handmade card with a cardamom stuck next to the word ‘Dear……’.! Yes, the card is kept safely, but I’m sorry to report the friendship didn’t last.
The Things We Keep
Over the years we all collect a lot of souvenirs of special moments and keepsakes to honor relationships, commemorate special occasions, recall precious memories. I guess it’s good to collect these things, cherish and take care of them. Although, there are times, like with the card I have, we may be holding on to these special objects, while we’ve lost the essence of what they mean.
We also hold on to some customs and practices that once may have had meaning and purpose, but no longer make sense in our current context. The story of The Temple Cat illustrates this beautifully.
When the guru sat down to worship each evening, the ashram cat would get in the way and distract the worshipers. So he ordered that the cat be tied during evening worship. After the guru died the cat continued to be tied during evening worship. And when the cat died, another cat was brought to the ashram so that it could be duly tied during evening worship. Centuries later learned treatises were written by the guru’s disciples on the religious and liturgical significance of tying up a cat while worship is performed.
– From Anthony De Mello, The Song Of The Bird
In India, among certain communities, there are practices and rules for widows to mourn the death of their husbands. Breaking their bangles, taking off their mangalsutra and rubbing off the sindoor from their foreheads. Among Goan Catholics, widows wear black and white for a year and don’t wear any ornaments. Personally, I find this all terrible, especially since there are no such rules for men who lose their wives! But I was appalled when a friend who had been estranged from her husband for several years, allowed her family to put her through the ritual of breaking her bangles and the works. To me, it seemed such an empty ritual, because this was the man who had tortured her and turned her and their young children out of their home!
I’m happy to share that my paternal grandmother bucked the tradition of wearing black and white for a year. She didn’t even wear that for my grandfather’s funeral!
There are so many practices we keep around festivals too. In the frenetic pace that many of us live in, these just add so much stress to what should be happy, family days. I have several memories of members of my extended family snapping each other’s heads off around Christmas and New Year as they worked hard to get the house decorated and put the traditional food on the table. It somehow took away from the joy of the festivities.
We must rethink the things we keep, the traditions we hold on to. Let’s focus on doing what’s meaningful to us and make our lives more authentic and stress free.
May you be inspired – every day!
Corinne
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I loved this post! It is so very true. Traditions should only be kept if they actually work for you.
Wowzers! #MM is back!!! Yayyy!
I guess it’s important to do what floats our boat and not succumb to external pressure.
Anything that ties us down is not worth our time and energies
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Oh Corinne you’ve really hit the nail on the head. Why do we continue ‘to do things’ just because they are expected.
The hot Christmas meal is traditional here in Australia – I gave that up in favour of cold (and some years not even at home but taken as a picnic somewhere in the bush). So much easier and definitely stress free for me.
Lovely to see Monday Musings return. We have missed it.
Take care
Cathy
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Hi Corinne – I’m not a sentimentalist, so there are a lot of things I don’t keep for the sake of them, but there are still traditions I keep because of the expectations that come with them. I’d love to be able to let Mothers Day go without sadness – then I wouldn’t miss my kids so much when everyone else has their’s plastered all over FB!
I got rid of most of the physical stuff, thanks to my daughter who hand held me through the decluttering. Letting go of things that are expected of us is not so easy. I am a rebel, I don’t follow tradition, but I somehow cling to the expectations that family has and it can be toxic and exhausting. Trying to untangle myself a little bit at a time.
I tend to be sentimental about the things I keep, but not so much when it comes to tradition. I think the only festival I really enjoy is Diwali, and even there, I do the best I can. For instance, spring cleaning is a tradition around Diwali, but that’s a very busy time for me on the work front. So I happily skip that, focusing on the flowers and lights and the general feeling of festivity. What’s the point of stressing yourself out just to maintain some sort of tradition?
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Rightly said Corinne. One must always think and question and only then accept and adopt traditions. What you said about festivals struck a chord. I remember the entire house being in an uproar. Often it’s the women who bear the burden of traditions, men get to get by relatively easily. And that’s such a pity.
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First of all, I’m so glad that Monday Musings is back. I’ll try to join in as and when I can, Corinne since I’ve a lot on my plate at the moment.
Couldn’t agree more on what you said in your post, Corinne! I’ve been there once and I understand the sentiments behind holding on to things even when they have lost their significance. Of course, we change with the times. These days, I see a lot of folks doing away with traditions that do not mean anything to them, anymore. Of course, the uproar continues nonetheless! I’m in that state of mind where all I seem to see is “clutter”—the mental, physical and emotional kinds. Rituals and customs have long been that way, for me. What does not speak to one’s heart, one must throw them away. The earlier we learn this in life, the better for us.
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Your post triggered so many thoughts and incidents. I have seen how rituals can ruin families. Most people follow rituals without giving any thought to the logic behind. I honestly judge those who blindly follow rituals. Thank you for writing this post.
Completely agree with your thoughts here, Corinne. What are we trying to preserve when the essence is long gone! I don’t do traditions just because that’s how it had been done. I do only those which make sense to me and those which make a difference in my life.
I am so happy to see Monday Musings back here. I will join from the coming week with my silly posts.