As I write this post, I’m struggling to find a title for it. My first instinct is to abandon it for later, but it’s asking to be written and published immediately. Experiences in my recent past have made me act forcefully and decisively to cut two people off. And surprisingly both these people have turned around and played the victim. As I read this quote from Donna Lynn Hope, I wondered how she knew these people so well! And then I had it – the title of this post – the real face of a person!
“It’s way too easy to see the real face of a person. They’re amiable and full of pretense when they want something from you, but the minute you don’t give in, back away or put yourself first (like they do) is the minute they show you who they really are.”― Donna Lynn Hope
The Real Face Of A Person
With both these people, I used my personal capital and I don’t mean just money to help them.
With one it was a loan of a large amount of money – with no interest – and a payment plan a year after. Then I reached out to two people and asked them for favors for her to prepare for a competitive exam. But then, I began to find my kindness was being abused and she was lying to me about things, unnecessarily. When I decided to cut off and enforce the agreed payment plan, she acted as if I was a terribly unfair person!
For the other one, I expended personal capital, exhorting people to support his cause, only to find that he was not all he made out to be. When people cynically use others, it’s just not nice. Apparently, he’s told people that everyone is ready to help him, because they want something from him! What a world view!
Now I’ve always struggled with this. I’m naturally kind and generous. But often people have taken advantage of me. I’ve realized it’s my problem. And I am not being nice to myself. What’s more, in both cases, I gave these people access to my contacts, who they also used!
Now I’ve realized (better late than never):
- To listen to my husband – he has better instincts about people who are users!
- To listen to my own intuition telling me when to guard myself
- To tell these people in no uncertain terms that I see them for who they really are (I’ve done that in both these cases). Without doing this, I would be inauthentic.
Most importantly, I need to take care of my health, distance myself from this toxicity and continue to be kind and generous without opening myself to being exploited.
“Try to ensure that your acts of kindness don’t become open doors of exploitation to others.”
― Stewart Stafford
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