It’s been a week. A week since my Mom passed. In the midst of grief and impossible situations, love is the light that shines on me and I’m trying to focus on it.
I promised myself a long time ago that I won’t make anyone seem like a saint after they’ve passed. And I refuse to do that with my Mom. As I’ve shared before, ours was not the easiest of relationships. I was my mother’s confidante growing up and believe me, that’s hard on a little girl. As I grew and became a very different person to her, she found me hard to accept. I was opinionated, short-tempered and very vocal – and certainly not the little girl she knew. Mum would use me to fight her battles, and then leave me to be the bad guy with the rest of the family, until I refused to be drawn into things.
Yet despite all this history, what keeps popping into my head are only thoughts of all that was good about her. I remember songs, I recall her humor, I talk about her good qualities. Any small thing can trigger off tears. I’m glad I’m crying. I’m glad I’m grieving. There’s no other way for me to handle this. I hope that my grief will help me to become a kinder and more patient person.
I know that every one deals with grief differently. I try hard to see what I truly learned from her. An aunt emailed us to tell how my mother made us kids eat without fuss the badly cooked food my Aunt had cooked. I realized where I had learned to eat whatever I am served when I am a guest. It’s the little things that keep the connection.
Last night, I dreamed of my Mother walking about happily (she was bed-ridden for 3 months before she passed). I’m not sure where she is, but I certainly do hope she’s as happy and at peace as she looked in my dream. Today I think of a song she taught me, and one we often sang when we looked at the moon together.
I see the moon, the moon sees me, down through the leaves of the old oak tree,
Please let the light that shines on me, shine on the one I love.
Over the mountain, over the sea, that’s where my heart is longing to be
Please let the light that shines on me, shine on the one I love.
Mom, wherever you are, may the light that shines on me, shine on you too.
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Sending you more love and light, Corinne. I’m sure your mom is in a better, a painless place now.
It is difficult when the people we live try to shape us in the same mould as them. Most often, we might be the night when they are day, it is nobody’s fault.
I’m glad that you are able to write and process your grief.
Hugs, Corinne. Crying helps but of course this loss is huge. I hope you find peace and your mom does too. I hope and pray she is happy wherever she is.
Hugs coming your way Corinne. It is a really very difficult time for you and talking about it only helps ease the pain…. and yes, she is looking out for you….
Light of love, light of knowledge, light of patience, call it any light… may the light shine on you today and tomorrow… that means always!
Very tender post, Corinne!
– Anagha From Team MocktailMommies
Heartfelt condolences Corinne. Nothing and no one can offer solace at the loss of a mom. Sending you love and hugs.
Aw.. Corinne. Hope the dream of your mother is where she is now, peaceful, without pain. But, I get you when you say, you try to remember what lessons you learnt from your mother. I have seen other bloggers write eons of words in praise. But, I know my mother is a very practical and sensible woman. She just goes about her business. But, it is the non-vocal lessons that I am still learning from her.
Oh Corinne, I am so sorry to hear this – both your mum’s passing and the difficult emotions. I don’t think you are alone in having a difficult past relationship to ponder while dealing with all the other emotions of grieving. I so feel for you Corinne and send you heartfelt condolences. I wish you peace in your heart.x
A big hug and lots of strength and peace to you, Corinne. I pray your mum is at peace and happy wherever she is. That is such a lovely song. Thanks for sharing.
This is a loving and moving tribute to your Mother. I agree it is the little things that make up a person and we remember whenever and their light shines on us once again. I am sorry for your loss.
It’s so heartfelt. Corinne, lots of hugs. I have a bitter sweet relationship with my mom too. And I don’t acknowledge her . I will say I love her before I regret it not saying it soon.
Hugs, Corinne. That’s a beautiful song your mother taught you. I’m sure the light is shining on her, and that she’s watching over you from above. I do believe our loved ones never really leave us….
Sending more love your way, Corinne! Stay strong.
Such heartfelt post, Corinne. can not control myself while reading. Let the light shining on me shine on you too. Be happy that your mom is at safest place now.
My mum passed away this year as well, and I completely understand your resolve not to make her into a saint, but, like you, I have been so thankful for the fact that much of the ugliness that preceded her death has been crowded out by positive memories of days when she was a better version of herself.
May you find peace and comfort in this hard path of grief.
Hugs and Heartfelt condolences Corinne. Nothing can help us more than talking about it. Stay strong and i am sure wherever she is her pain is eased out and is happy.
sending you love and prayers. Your mom is in a good place now and I hope and pray that you feel better soon.
Like you said Moms are human too, not saints. Sending hugs and strength to you to grieve and overcome this loss.
what beautiful words you ended this post with, I have no doubt your light will shine on her wherever she may be, as I feel your light shine on me through the beauty of your words and your kind soul. I am sending my light your way my dear friend xx
I’m sorry to hear of your loss and what a beautiful song! #mg
Corinne, I’m so sorry to hear of your mom’s passing. But I’m glad you’re able to grieve, despite the conflicts of the relationship. That’s a good thing. Your light will continue to shine because you’ve chosen to allow it. Hugs!
Hi
As always an interesting read. I agree with your points & appreciate your efforts that you have selected this topic to write an article.
By the way, It’s always pleasure to read your posts and comment.
~ Donna