Maybe it’s not always about trying to fix something broken.
Maybe it’s about starting over and creating something better.
A while back, my friend, Lisa Brandel, wrote on her Facebook page ‘The Widow Lady‘ about dealing with the loss of a loved one:
One thing stands true though, after any kind of loss, we “start over” to one degree or another. The relationship is seen in reflection, and sometimes even more clearly. Those things we cherished about the people we lose, well, those sting for a long time after as we come to terms with the fact we will not have that from them again.
There is a unique opportunity……as we see those things that made the person we lost so special to us…we have an opportunity to be that for people we still have in our lives.
While Lisa was most probably referring to the death of a loved one, I began to think about the other losses we have, especially the loss of friendship. In recent years, for one reason or the other, I have lost friends. Some of these people were an integral part of my youth and adulthood, but are no longer friends.
I am much happier and freer without these people in my life – and I say that with no bitterness, but just that it’s the simple truth. There was anger, pain and feelings of betrayal (on both sides, I’m sure). For some time, it was difficult to think of these individuals without the emotions I mentioned.
I am able to look back and remember happier times in these relationships. When I read what Lisa wrote, it struck me that I could also think of some of the qualities that I admired in these people. Although they are no longer a part of my life, I can replace feelings of bitterness with memories of their good qualities. I could go a step further and try to incorporate these qualities in to my life. Wouldn’t that be the perfect healing for these relationships?
I would love to hear your views on this.
(Also do visit ‘The Widow Lady‘ – there’s loads of wisdom there!)