He realizes that he’s being followed by the police and he tenses. Pulling his car to the side of the road, he rolls down the window. A policeman approaches. He begins to mutter, “I know that I was speeding. I know I was going to fast.” “Yes, Sir. Why were you going so fast?” “I think it’s obvious, Officer. I’m lost.” I can absolutely empathize with that young man. When I’m lost, I tend to go faster. Spinning around endlessly and not achieving much. Forgetting where I’m going in my haste to get accomplish things. Wondering how I started down a path that isn’t seeming to lead anywhere. Forgetting of all my past experiences of seeing the light through rest.
Seeing The Light Through Rest
I remember several times when I was facing indecision and at the cusp of life-changing decisions, I’d go off to a retreat house and meet with my Jesuit spiritual guide. I’d arrange to stay there for a couple of days. I’d talk to my guide and he’d listen. Then he’d speak for a short while and ask me to go and reflect on things. And off I’d go with all good intentions to sit down and reflect. And I’d promptly fall asleep! In my room or in the chapel, all reflection would lead to sleep. At first, I used to feel really guilty. But my guide assured me that it was alright.
But you know what? At the end of the two days, I’d come back refreshed and with a much clearer idea of what to do.
But I tend to forget this. I tend to forget that I need to rest to see the ‘light’. I try instead to immerse myself in more frenetic activity.
Recently, I was doing this, until my body decided to take over. I got a bad bout of the ‘flu and had no choice but to rest. And this forced rest has helped me to see things more clearly. Once again, I have seeing the light through rest!
I’m making some changes and will share them with you in the months ahead. I can safely say that I’m still a little lost, but I’m making my way back to myself!
Deep in their roots, all flowers keep the light.”Theodore Roethke
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