The other day José used the phrase ‘playing God’ while talking to me and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
I recalled a little story I read a while back that made me chuckle.
A man claimed to be God and was brought before the Caliph, who said to him, “Last year someone here claimed to be a prophet and he was put to death!” The man replied, “It was just as well that you did so, for I did not send him.”
Playing God?
While having a quiet laugh at this, I thought back to the times that I attempted to play God. Yes, I attempted to solve people’s problems and become a ‘provider’. I became the person who gave them my time, my money and any other help I could to get them out of their situation. And for a time that felt good – really good. Until, they became parasites – and wouldn’t allow me to lead a normal life. Not their fault. It was I who assured them that I could be all things to them!
I’ve seen it happen with someone. Let’s call her Gloria. Now, Gloria’s sister was having marital problems. And true to form, Gloria began to pitch in to help the sister emotionally and financially. From time to time, she also helped with minding her sister’s three children. She was single and had a good job so it wasn’t really a problem. She became the aunt who gave her sister’s children treats, who bought them expensive presents, who cooked them special meals. One day, she was joking with the children (now closer to their teen years) and said: ‘Hey! I’m getting married.” The children’s faces fell and they looked very displeased. Their first question was: “Who will buy us things now? and worse still, “Now, who will get your money when you die?”
I think that the problem was not with the persons we help, but with us. Somewhere, deep within we want to be needed and acknowledged. The needs of the others became a way of getting our own needs met. (Not for a moment am I saying God works this way!)
So am I advocating that we don’t help people out? Absolutely not. Rather, I’m saying that our help should be given in an unselfish way and it should eventually lead to people being empowered to find their own solutions.
The best anyone can offer to give people is effective tools they can use to solve their problems themselves
Tara springett
Have you tried to play God sometimes?
I had a question. What if the person whom we are providing help doesn’t want to be empowered but wants to be dependent on us. Rather if we attempt to make them empowered they feel that we are not doing our duty of taking care of them or shunning our responsibilities?
Great question, Aesha. I’ve come to realize that we do people no service when we make them dependent on us. Remember, how the mama bird literally pushes her little chicks out of the nest? We’ve got to learn to be detached. In the worst case, we’d have to cut off the person.
Corinne Rodrigues recently posted..Racism Comes In Many Colours
Corinne, I watched my sister enable a situation for years that ended disastrously. I often wonder what would have happened had she chosen the hard route of cutting the person off. Love is a powerful emotion that can lead to misguided actions. Thoughtful post and good advice.
Good post. Looking from the other side, the more one depends on others, the more weak one becomes.
Pradeep recently posted..Glory at Gabba
I haven’t played the role of God or the provider to anyone. And neither I have liked other people playing God to me which a certain people have. Each time my closest people have played so, I felt I got crushed (in Hindi I say – main dab jaati hun) and it is acutely unempowering. I conveyed my displeasure which came as a shock to my well-meaning people.
Anamika Agnihotri recently posted..MC Plays Hide and seek: An Empowering Story for Healthy Children Who Care About a Person Living with Cancer by Eva Grayzel #BookTour #BookReview #GuestPost
This is something that needs to be talked about. I have seen a friend of mine doing stuff for her friends and relatives and then complaining that they are not loyal to her and not giving her the “respect”(time) she deserves. I believe in the fact that we all learn something or the other from someone or the other. We just need to move on from those people and pay it forward. Being dependent is not all a peaceful way to live. The mind always makes you feel inferior then, and nobody should want to feel like that.
Jyothi recently posted..Forgive Me
All too often our deeds are selfish ones. Lord give us hearts of compassion. Coming from Inspire Me Monday
Mandy recently posted..True Confidence Comes from God
Agree with you, Corinne. Helping someone in need doesn’t mean that they should keep expecting that help. We need to learn to help ourselves without burdening others. Just today I was talking about how people get comfortable with help from others and demands that they helped all the time.
Vinitha recently posted..What Stops You? #SoulfulSunday