I’m participating in the Write Tribe Problogger October 2017 Blogging Challenge through October and will be following the prompts suggested. I’ve also decided to focus on the theme of Anonymously Me – stories that people have shared with me and that we could all learn lessons from. Today’s story, Married To A Monster was told to me in parts by a woman now in her late 40s.
If you have a story you’d like to share anonymously on Everyday Gyaan, do contact me. You can be assured that I will keep your name and details confidential.
Married To A Monster?
Remember the time I called you with the news and how confused you were? I know you were furious with me about the choice I made. Yes, I know that I succumbed to the pressure to break my bangles and play the widow. What else could I do with both our families forcing me to play the part. I wish you were around to help me be braver.
Fooled by my husband?
As a young girl from a small town, I came to this city starry eyed. My father, a widower, wanted to get me married and my aunt found me a match. We were told that my husband was an engineer who ran a successful business. He was an orphan who had been brought up by his spinster aunt. My father was impressed with his qualifications and where he lived. I wasn’t too keen on his looks (how we laughed about that later, remember?) but I decided it wasn’t important. My father’s peace of mind took precedence over my husband’s looks! And I was never a disobedient daughter.
It wasn’t even a day after we were married that I realized all was not what it seemed. For one thing, I soon found out that my husband wasn’t an engineer and didn’t have a big business. He lived off his aunt. And she called all the shots. Yes, I remember telling you with great embarrassment how she even made sure that our marriage was consummated and that we had regular sex. My husband spent most of his time at home in his aunt’s company and I soon realized that I was no better than a maid for both of them. My husband showed me know affection ever.
I can never forget how they deprived me of some comfort and food at times, when I rebelled against them. How I suffered through my pregnancies without some basic care, let alone the love and affection of my husband.
Starting To Break Free
Somehow, as my children got older and my husband’s aunt got bed-ridden, I got stronger. I began to rebel. Thankfully, my post graduate degree helped me get a job and that was my first step towards independence and breaking free.
But then my husband, egged on by his aunt, would often accuse me of having affairs at work. The verbal abuse soon turned physical, as you know. Finally, I had the courage to walk out with my children and start a new life.
Thank you for being there through all those times I was so despondent – not knowing which way to turn. You helped me to decide that my children and I didn’t deserve to live in the hell created by my husband and his aunt. I didn’t think my family would support me the way they did. I know the bangle breaking incident was crazy, but it was an aberration. In more ways than one my husband had already been dead to me. At some levels, I was mourning the loss of all those wasted years.
We haven’t been in touch, but I had to call you today to tell you about something I learned. Something that has stunned me beyond anything and yet helped me understand somethings….yet I remain confused.
Remember how I told you that each time my husband came to visit the children, he looked more and more ill? I was told he died of a heart attack. Last month, I came to know that he actually had AIDS (don’t worry I had myself tested and am free of the virus)! What’s even worse is that I realized that he was a homosexual. Yes, all those years, all that torture…that facade…the need for his aunt to make sure we had sex…the disinterest…..the anger……. I don’t even know how to process this…..Was I married to a monster or the victim of one (his aunt)? Was I the only victim in our marriage? How did I not realize what was staring me in the face?
Designed in Canva
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