I’m participating in the Write Tribe Problogger October 2017 Blogging Challenge through October and will be following the prompts suggested. I’ve also decided to focus on the theme of Anonymously Me – stories that people have shared with me and that we could all learn lessons from. Today’s story, Married To A Monster was told to me in parts by a woman now in her late 40s.
If you have a story you’d like to share anonymously on Everyday Gyaan, do contact me. You can be assured that I will keep your name and details confidential.
Married To A Monster?
Remember the time I called you with the news and how confused you were? I know you were furious with me about the choice I made. Yes, I know that I succumbed to the pressure to break my bangles and play the widow. What else could I do with both our families forcing me to play the part. I wish you were around to help me be braver.
Fooled by my husband?
As a young girl from a small town, I came to this city starry eyed. My father, a widower, wanted to get me married and my aunt found me a match. We were told that my husband was an engineer who ran a successful business. He was an orphan who had been brought up by his spinster aunt. My father was impressed with his qualifications and where he lived. I wasn’t too keen on his looks (how we laughed about that later, remember?) but I decided it wasn’t important. My father’s peace of mind took precedence over my husband’s looks! And I was never a disobedient daughter.
It wasn’t even a day after we were married that I realized all was not what it seemed. For one thing, I soon found out that my husband wasn’t an engineer and didn’t have a big business. He lived off his aunt. And she called all the shots. Yes, I remember telling you with great embarrassment how she even made sure that our marriage was consummated and that we had regular sex. My husband spent most of his time at home in his aunt’s company and I soon realized that I was no better than a maid for both of them. My husband showed me know affection ever.
I can never forget how they deprived me of some comfort and food at times, when I rebelled against them. How I suffered through my pregnancies without some basic care, let alone the love and affection of my husband.
Starting To Break Free
Somehow, as my children got older and my husband’s aunt got bed-ridden, I got stronger. I began to rebel. Thankfully, my post graduate degree helped me get a job and that was my first step towards independence and breaking free.
But then my husband, egged on by his aunt, would often accuse me of having affairs at work. The verbal abuse soon turned physical, as you know. Finally, I had the courage to walk out with my children and start a new life.
Thank you for being there through all those times I was so despondent – not knowing which way to turn. You helped me to decide that my children and I didn’t deserve to live in the hell created by my husband and his aunt. I didn’t think my family would support me the way they did. I know the bangle breaking incident was crazy, but it was an aberration. In more ways than one my husband had already been dead to me. At some levels, I was mourning the loss of all those wasted years.
We haven’t been in touch, but I had to call you today to tell you about something I learned. Something that has stunned me beyond anything and yet helped me understand somethings….yet I remain confused.
Remember how I told you that each time my husband came to visit the children, he looked more and more ill? I was told he died of a heart attack. Last month, I came to know that he actually had AIDS (don’t worry I had myself tested and am free of the virus)! What’s even worse is that I realized that he was a homosexual. Yes, all those years, all that torture…that facade…the need for his aunt to make sure we had sex…the disinterest…..the anger……. I don’t even know how to process this…..Was I married to a monster or the victim of one (his aunt)? Was I the only victim in our marriage? How did I not realize what was staring me in the face?
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Education pays a key role. Since she was post graduate, she was able to get a job and move out with her kids from a troubled marriage but end made me thought about the victim? Were there 2 victims? How all these years he was also harassed by his aunt.
Sometimes we hold on to certain meaningless relations for life hoping that some miracle would happen some day. Education certainly helps you to come out of the zone of accepting all those beliefs that was once drilled in your brains. When the going gets tough it is better to move on to find greener pastures instead of locking oneself in that one bitter relation.
Oh, my goodness – sounds like a miserable marriage for both of them! My mother used to say, “Well, at least they didn’t ruin two houses,” when a husband and wife both seemed unsuited to one another, or insufferable in their own ways. Sounds like this nearly did ruin two houses, and for what? I hope that the children are, at least, happy and healthy – sometimes you find the silver lining there, knowing that they wouldn’t be if not for a disastrous marriage.
I feel very bad how a few people damage the life of other person completely without feeling any guilt in the name of marriage.
Well described! Life would certainly turn hell whoever has to pass through such a grueling experience. You’ve been kind enough to render your ears to someone’s story which might certainly have given your friend a courage to move forward in life.
Wow! How can people be like this? His aunt was the real monster here. I am glad that she was able to get a job and secure her life. Her husband never got the chance to live life in his own terms, did he?
So glad to hear that she could find the courage to walk away and make a fresh life for herself and the children. I am stunned by her last lines – indeed who was the victim here!!!
OMG that was scary. So glad she had the courage to break free and so glad that she is well and unaffected. So brave to tell her story.
Can relate to this struggle as i have lived with such strong woman myself. Glad she worked and became independent.
I’m glad she had the courage to walk out of the hell hole she was living in. I’m glad she is in a good place now. I just hope she can make peace with the past and live a fulfilling life now onwards. People like her husband always end up paying a price for their deeds. Such are the ways of life.
Great take on the prompt Corinne.
Sadly, it’s a true story, Nats.
I so wish it wasn’t but I guess she’s conquered lie and moved ahead
Anagha Yatin (@anagha_yatin)
A post graduate wasting her life? The thought itself is so painful. Glad that she escaped unscathed.
I am glad she got out of the hell and free from any disease. One thing was good that her dad did not compromised on her education.
That’s shocking. The last straw was his being a homosexual. Glad she broke free
Vinay Leo R.
Gosh. I’m glad that she rebelled before it was really too late.
What a haunting story, and the writer shows amazing maturity in being able to wonder about her monster husband’s own status as a victim.
wow… reality can be so strange and cruel at times. After reading the ending note, even I am wondering how different the situation would have been if he was accepted as a homosexual. All those lives would have been spared from the cruelty.
Corinne, it’s thought provoking and tale that makes one sad on how ruthless people can be. Such a monster is present in many homes where women are cheated. Sometimes the blood boils when we look at such deceit. A must share to spread awareness.
Oh my goodness!! There are many people who suffer in silence in situations like this. This idea of telling someone’s story anonymously is excellent. I hope this woman is able to fully recover from this awful experience. #mg
God what a story. I’m so happy that she stepped up and took care before things got out of hand!
What a haunting story, I’m so glad the victim escaped but it does sound like they were both victims really, so sad.
That’s so sad! It was good that she found the courage to break free from such a mess!
This is such a tragic tale. One cannot begin to imagine the magnitude of what she had to go through. But, in the end both were victims of circumstances and the society at large.
I’m heartbroken over this but know it’s so often the case, women controlled beyond what they’d thought. We “try” to be “good” and wow. I’m honored to have read this.
Glad that she broke free from that marriage and found her way! Indeed as she questioned at the end, it makes me wonder even he might have been a victim !
How sad that she had to go through such a mess. I’m so glad she finally got the courage to break free. Well done to her! Cutting Dies for Christmas – #7 in ProBlogger Challenge
Esha M Dutta
What a nightmare to go through, before she mustered the courage to break free from that mess! This story was so heartbreaking to read…can only imagine what the lady had to endure.
And she was a postgraduate and was an “obedient” daughter and had to remain always so. Well, marriage is always a challenge, but it’s not something you have to perform to please your father, family, or tradition. But, it goes on in that way. Indeed sad.
Healthwealthbridge by Dr.Amrita Basu
This made me cringe.Thank God for education.Very brave of you to share this and I am so glad you are disease free.
I feel like I have read this tragic tale before. Thanks again for sharing. Pen x #mg
After living through and escaping an abusive relationship I can relate to her fear and feeling trapped, I truly believe my education helped me too. #mg
Oh, this was sad…I am glad she got out when she did…but her last question is pertinent – was she the only victim of the marriage?
Very nice take on the #monster (husband or the aunt…?)