Having recently lost my Mom, I know that there’s no hard and fast rules about how to grieve. Relationships and grieving are unique to each of us. However, there’s some advice that holds good for the loss of a parent. Losing a Parent – Coping, Continuing and Healing is written by Monique – a North Carolina-based journalist, blogger and artist who blogs at Renting The Rain. At my request, Monique wrote this post for Everyday Gyaan and I decided to share this as a #MondayMusings post.
Losing a Parent – Coping, Continuing and Healing
This will never be easy
Losing a parent is something we all know must happen one day. Unfortunately, this knowledge never makes the event easier. Whether you are close to your biological parents, adopted parents, guardians, or other parental figures, know that your loved ones will want you to mourn, and then heal. Here are some things to keep in mind during your healing journey.
Support and understand each other
Everyone responds to trauma and hardship in different ways. Recognize that your own way of grieving is just as legitimate as someone else’s. Other family members may be dealing with this loss differently, and that is okay. Recognize how they respond and communicate with how you are reacting as well.
Understanding possible differences is essential for every individual’s recovery and support of one another. Support your loved ones in any way you can, but take a step back when time to yourself is needed as well.
Time is essential
While no one responds to loss in the exact same way, recognize that time is essential to your recovery journey. Even for those who do not feel grief immediately, time is necessary to receive, understand, contemplate, and let go of emotion.
Give yourself plenty of time to recover, and be lenient with your journey. Remember that staying on the path of healing and understanding your life’s position without your lost loved one will be hard but necessary. Continue to strive to find your place in this new world without them, and be lenient when your path requires more time than expected.
Appreciate
While remaining in a state of constant grief for extended periods of time is not healthy, it’s important to recognize where these feelings are stemming from. Concerning the loss of a parental figure, grief can stem from one’s extreme connection to an individual responsible for teaching them all that they know.
Try journaling, praying, or even talking about what you love and appreciate about your lost one. Put into words how important they were to you, and connect with others that feel the same. Even for the non-religious, take joy in knowing that you were given time on this earth to learn from and be raised by your loved ones.
Guess
Although you can no longer physically communicated with your lost loved one, remember their values and take a guess as to what they want for you. Do they want you to mourn them forever? Chances are, your loved one wants you to live a happy life, even without them directly at your side.
Look at your lifestyle and find ways to implement healthy changes or additions that reflect on how your loved one lived life. If your mother made you homemade chicken each Saturday, try adding that recipe into your weekly or monthly plan. Use that meal as a way of remembering, honoring, and staying connected to her.
Forgive
Along with grief may come many emotions, including love, emptiness, and even anger. On your journey to recovery and healing, remember to forgive. Forgive your loved one for passing away and leaving you behind. Forgive your other loved ones for grieving differently, and not understanding your grief in the same way. Forgive yourself for the time it takes for your to resume “normal,” life. Be loving, forgiving, and patient with your grief and recovery, and you’ll stay right on track.
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Nice way to remember, honour and stay connected to our loved ones after they’re gone! It may seem very simple and yet, so many people struggle to cope with the loss of their loved ones when all they might need is someone to be around to show them what could help!
It’s always hard to come to terms with loss, isn’t it, Esha? Some of us might need others, and some of us just want space.
My mum passed away this year, and I was so surprised to find your words here today, so timely and so wise. I think our biggest gift to loved ones who are mourning is to let them experience their loss in the way that makes the most sense to them. We tend to put a time limit on grief or to expect others to handle mourning as we “think they should,” when we really have no idea how complicated their grief process is.
Blessings to you as you live your way back into joy.
Honestly, thinking about it scares me. I don’t know how I’ll react. It scares me even more that I’m the eldest. Some very reasonable advice here which I really don’t want to have to use anytime soon.
I lost my mother 20 years back and then I lost my father last year. Without both of them around I feel like an orphan. It is not easy to cope with the loss of a parent. I was very attached to my dad. For me the pain is unbearable even after a year. I cannot explain in words how much I miss them. The tips are helpful however grieving souls doesn’t follow tips. Thanks Corinne for sharing this post.
It must really be hard for you, Balaka. I understand what you say about grief – and one of the tips is exactly that – to know that each of us grieves differently.
Yes…the tips are really good..but as I said when you are in too much pain you tend to ignore advice or tips… Maybe with time you heal…
Oh yes, I got that, Balaka. It’s like I know I should be exercising a lot more, but I don’t! 🙂
Losing a parent is not a comfortable idea. One can never know how one will turn out in the grieving time. As Balaka says, a grieving soul doesn’t necessarily follow tips and I agree with her.
Some great points. Everyone does grieve in different ways and admonishing or judging some one because they are greiveing differently is not a good road to go down!
I am so sorry about your loss Corinne, losing your dear ones is one of the most scary feeling. and I think, it is one of the hardest part of life, and you had shared really good points to get re covered.
Corinne, All very helpful. Having lost my Dad over two years ago I can relate. So sorry on the loss of your mom.
Grieving is something each one of us does in his or her own way. And yet those are great tips. Journaling and talking I think are the best ways to ease the loss. And then of course with time the pain dulls. Life has to go on after all.
I can understand. Even mine are alive but since we dont talk nearly 6 years, I can feel the day things were gone so bad. That day I felt as if I am cactus plant standing tall in hot summer in.. no one can tough, love and support that plant untill it show blooms. This I understood after going through lots of pain, self realization and blaming myself. Now even though I feel myself strong enough, there is still a hope n wish that I see them and talk to them before I die.
I am so very sorry to learn about your mother, Corinne, and please know that I am sending you a jumbo hug.
I saw — and still see — my mom grieving for her mom. It’s been years since my grandmother passed away but my mom is still trying to cope with the loss 🙁 The worst part is neither me nor my sister is able to help lessen the pain because the closeness that one shares with their mom is beyond words. I just wish that may God grant everyone who has ever lost a parent strength to make peace with it!