Recently, I was indirectly told off by someone for not attending a family gathering. I was reminded that life is short and we must get together at every possible function.
Life Is Short! So What?
Why didn’t I attend the gathering? Because I’m done with meaningless conversations, with playing charades and with playing happy families! I’m done with being put down at every possible opportunity. I’m done with people trying to compete with me when I’m not even in the race! Of having so called family lying about and to me.
That person was right. Life is short. All the more reason for me not be unhappy. Even more reason for me not to engage with people who drain me of energy. It’s too short for me have to think ten times before I say anything. I’m fed up of having everything I say being challenged. I no longer want to be a victim of gaslighting.
Family is often an over-rated institution. You do not have to put up toxicity in the name of family. You don’t have to tolerate constant bad behaviour.
I’ve realized that we choose our family. We choose the people who make us feel good about ourselves. People who don’t hesitate to tell us when we’re wrong, yet will stand up for us and remind us of our goodness when we’ve forgotten about it.
You may or may not agree with my choices or my view of family. I really want to know what you feel.
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“Life is short. All the more reason for me not be unhappy.” EXACTLY!! Well-said
Thanks you, Jae!
I recently came to the same decision. I have bent over backwards so many times that my back may be broken. Once momma passed I no longer had to keep these toxic relationships in my life. I’ve cut those people out of my life and it’s been so much happier.
Hugs, Rena.
Sadly, these things went down even as my parents were dying. I had to make really difficult choices, but I’m glad I did. I feel peaceful about my decisions.
I compared with your views, Corinne. Why spend this short life with people who force us to be someone we are not! Why spend the evening nodding and smiling with someone who doesn’t care what we think or like! Well said.
Not everyone agrees, Vinitha. Thank you for understanding.
I meant, I completely agree with your views. And how typo made it compared I don’t know. I’m glad you understood, Corinne.
I got that, Vinitha. Hugs.
Wow, saw another meme about this from Snoop Dog today, about how families are not always the healthiest choice. I totally agree with you. Stick with those who make you happy, family or not.
I haven’t seen that meme, but off to take a look. Thanks, Laurie.
There are the families we’re born into, and there are the families we choose. It’s wonderful when the two converge, but it is not always realistic to expect them to do so.
I chose well, when I chose my husband – seems you did, too, Corinne. 🙂 To you both: https://youtu.be/vF_shhdArws
Thank you, Holly. I know. I’m being more realistic now and holding on to what works for me. Thank you for getting me!
And you, me.
“God gave us relatives, thank god we could choose our friends.”
Someone rightly said so. Our choice, and we decide what floats our boat, and where we intend to invest our precious energies.
Have an enriching week, Cory. <3
When it comes to family, I have had to put up with people I would rather not. I even stopped talking to them, but then they changed (or so I felt) and I thought why not just be civil? But, I keep a distance. I don’t like too much of “showing love for the family”, but being diplomatic by nature, I just play along, to an extent.
But, I also agree with you. Life is short, why should we put up with people who suck away our peace of mind? Let them live their lives happily and let us live ours happily….far away from them! Be with those who make you truly happy and who spark joy and let go of the rest of them. Having said that, one needs a really strong heart to be able to do that. Do not allow guilt to come in between.
Hugs, Corinne!
Like almost all the times, your post resonates with my current set of thoughts. I have one such toxic relationship where the elderly person has been hell bent on finding faults in anything I have done. All those years ago when I started reading with D and teaching him how to read, I was blatantly accused of making him ‘angrez’ and moving him away from Hindi. It was as baseless as this. Do I want to keep such a relationship? The answer is no but can I escape that? The answer is still no since they call themselves as family and deem it their right.
Now since I have to keep a connection with this person and which gives me enough heartburn, I have resolved not to allow any other people to do the same to me. I am better off as a loner in that case.
I could probably chat with you for hours about this!! I do believe God puts us in earthly families to teach us, but that sometimes love for their hearts is best offered without physical contact. I made this infographic after dealing with toxic people myself (and talk a lot on my blog about what Biblical repentance and forgiveness REALLY mean)! Becca https://anchoredabode.com/2019/03/15/toxic-persons-infograph-how-to-know-what-to-do-when-you-keep-getting-hurt-by-the-same-individual/
Word for word – I am with you on this one C!!
Family has been a bit of an oxymoron for me too – the ones I “had” to go to for help/advice were the ones who let me down EVERYTIME!!
Learnt a lot of hard lessons and I am finally done with family – just went through saying NO to 3 people in the family as I wasnt able to put them before myself and had other important stuff to do – I have grown into this and am so very grateful that I have the strength to do this.
So love yourself before anyone else – maximum peace of mind is guaranteed!!!!
Hugs xoxo
I cannot agree more, Corinne. It must have taken a great deal of hurt and pain for you to come to this, and I definitely think we must choose wisely—be it family or friends! Whatever drains our energy and pulls us into negativity must be avoided at all costs.
I agree with you – life is short and therefore we need to be wise about who we spend our time with and how we spend our time. I can’t be bothered with a certain section of my extended family and didn’t really care to go and see them when I was in India despite all the ‘oh but what will they think’ because I really couldn’t give a damn. Good on you for sticking with your choice and living your life the way you want