I’ve been doing a lot of introspecting this past week. As I sift through thoughts, emotions and reactions – mine and those of others – I’m struck with a thought. Many of our choices are guided by fear. It is our insecurities that often lead to us making poor choices. It is to hide and mask my vulnerability that I often choose anger as a response. The more we accept this truth, the less complicated our lives become.
Inhabiting My Vulnerability
It’s difficult for me to acknowledge my vulnerability. It’s hard for me to say that I am weak. That I need the other’s presence, help and support. I’m generally the one who gives. So often, in relationships, I’ll keep giving, hoping that the other person will guess my need for them and reciprocate. And when that doesn’t happen, I become resentful, angry and often bitter.
I know that this is seemingly the opposite of what I often say about removing toxic people from our lives. I believe that we still need to distance ourselves from drama and from people who refuse to want to relate at a deeper level. But what about those significant people in our lives? Those we’ve chosen to love? Don’t they deserve to see us a we are – real and daring to be be vulnerable?
I’m trying to work on showing my neediness and making myself more vulnerable in my significant relationships.
As always the ‘queen of vulnerability’ has something powerful to say about this:
“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”
I continue to work on improving and healing myself. Sometimes, I make good choices and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I act in haste, and from fear. I try to go over my actions and see when that happens. But not always. I am no where near the kind of person I want to be, but I know that if I don’t accept and show myself as I am right now, I will never grow.
Accepting ourselves in one big step we take towards living the life we have been handed…that’s what I feel. I too find it difficult to accept some of my traits, but then that’s what makes me ME! It is easier said than done, but I am so working on accepting myself, flaws and all, and loving myself unconditionally.
Vulnerability is never easy, but in our closest relationships, I think it is helpful. It’s especially helpful for our partner and close friends to see our neediness sometimes. Which reminds me, I should get around to reading Brene Brown. I keep reading her blog and articles and listening to her TED talk, but I haven’t yet sat down with her books properly. Time to remedy that!
Esha M Dutta
I think acknowledging our feelings and our needs are very important when we want to live an authentic life and I know how much this means to you, Corinne! My introspections have brought me face to face with so many of my insecurities as you mentioned here and I do agree a lot of our actions at times stem from that very fear that drives us to stress over things. Your thought-provoking post might just be the inspiration I’m looking for to write my #MondayMusings post for this week. Happy Wednesday, dear Corinne and a very productive rest of the week. 🙂
I was always known as someone who had his heart on his shoulder being open about my fears, my feelings and vulnerabilities. In my case, unfortunately that came back to hurt me in a really bad way.
In many ways, it reflects in my blog too. I was seeing my own old blogposts from way back in 2006 and could really tell the difference – where earlier there was a really personal vibe, over the last few years it is decidedly more guarded and impersonal (ironically, except for the last post itself)
I think how we react to being burnt has a big say as well in this topic in the end – not just immediately but how it moulds us in the long run.
the bespectacled mother
Reading your post makes me look back and realize I have made my choices or given my yes to the choices I was given in the light of insecurity. I have shown my vulnerable sides before to the people I am closely related to and even on my blog and I must say it is utterly difficult to be exposing myself and my vulnerability. It does not feel to be a nice place in either ways – to hold back my vulnerability or to express it.
Accepting ourselves as we are and loving that self unconditionally is the way of the wise. Not easy though!
The concept of vulnerabilities have been on my mind so much the past several weeks. In the U.S. we have entered a period where our vulnerabilities seem to be taking the wheel of fear, hate, and a great division. I can only hope more find resources like this in order to take the time to become aware of their own vulnerability and finally find peace within themselves and one another. Thank you.