I’ve been doing a lot of introspecting this past week. As I sift through thoughts, emotions and reactions – mine and those of others – I’m struck with a thought. Many of our choices are guided by fear. It is our insecurities that often lead to us making poor choices. It is to hide and mask my vulnerability that I often choose anger as a response. The more we accept this truth, the less complicated our lives become.
Inhabiting My Vulnerability
It’s difficult for me to acknowledge my vulnerability. It’s hard for me to say that I am weak. That I need the other’s presence, help and support. I’m generally the one who gives. So often, in relationships, I’ll keep giving, hoping that the other person will guess my need for them and reciprocate. And when that doesn’t happen, I become resentful, angry and often bitter.
I know that this is seemingly the opposite of what I often say about removing toxic people from our lives. I believe that we still need to distance ourselves from drama and from people who refuse to want to relate at a deeper level. But what about those significant people in our lives? Those we’ve chosen to love? Don’t they deserve to see us a we are – real and daring to be be vulnerable?
I’m trying to work on showing my neediness and making myself more vulnerable in my significant relationships.
As always the ‘queen of vulnerability’ has something powerful to say about this:
“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”
I continue to work on improving and healing myself. Sometimes, I make good choices and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I act in haste, and from fear. I try to go over my actions and see when that happens. But not always. I am no where near the kind of person I want to be, but I know that if I don’t accept and show myself as I am right now, I will never grow.