The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
by Gary Chapman
Since the success of his first book, The 5 Love Languages
He is the author of numerous other books published by Moody Publishers/Northfield Publishing, including Anger, The Family You’ve Always Wanted, The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, Desperate Marriages, God Speaks Your Love Language, How to Really Love Your Adult Child, and Hope for the Separated. With Dr. Jennifer Thomas, he co-authored The Five Languages of Apology.
Dr. Chapman speaks to thousands of couples nationwide through his weekend marriage conferences. He hosts a nationally syndicated radio program, A Love Language Minute, and a Saturday morning program, Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, both airing on more than 400 stations. Dr. Chapman and his wife have two grown children and currently live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, where he serves as senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church.
Dr. Chapman holds BA and MA degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively, MRE and PhD degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and has completed postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University.
Here is an excerpt on the spiritual practice of kindness from
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
“1. To remind yourself that ‘Words of Affirmation’ is your spouse’s primary love language, print the following on a 3×5 card and put it on a mirror or other place where you will see it daily:
Words are important!
Words are important!
Words are important!
“2. For one week, keep a written record of all the words of affirmation you give your spouse each day. At the end of the week, sit down with your spouse and review your record.
“On Monday, I said:
‘You did a great job on this meal.’
‘You really look nice in that outfit.’
‘I really appreciate your picking up the laundry.’
“On Tuesday, I said:
etc.
“You might be surprised how well (or how poorly) you are speaking words of affirmation.
“3. Set a goal to give your spouse a different compliment each day for one month. If ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away,’ maybe a compliment a day will keep the counselor away. (You may want to record these compliments also, so you will not duplicate the statements.)
“4. As you read the newspaper, magazines, and books, or watch TV or listen to radio, look for words of affirmation which people use. Observe people in conversation. Write those affirming statements in a notebook. (If they are cartoons, clip and paste them in your notebook.) Read through these periodically and select those you could use with your spouse. When you use one, note the date on which you used it. Your notebook may become your love book. Remember, words are important!
“5. Write a love letter, a love paragraph, or a love sentence to your spouse, and give it quietly or with fanfare! (Chances are, when he dies, you will find your love letter tucked away in some special place.) Words are important!
“6. Compliment your spouse in the presence of his parents or friends. You will get double credit: Your spouse will feel loved and the parents will feel lucky to have such a great son-in-law or daughter-in-law.
“7. Look for your spouse’s strengths and tell her how much you appreciate those strengths. Chances are she will work hard to live up to her reputation.
“8. Tell your children how great their mother or father is. Do this behind your spouse’s back and in her presence.
“9. Write a poem describing how you feel about your spouse. If you are not a poet, choose a card that expresses how you feel. Underline special words and add a few of your own at the end.
“10. If you find speaking ‘Words of Affirmation’ is difficult for you, practice in front of a mirror. Use a cue card if you must, and remember, words are important.”
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