Conflict is often considered a poison that destroys relationships. Therefore, people try to avoid it in every possible way. However, conflicts are natural in every type of relationship. It is easier to respect each other and be accommodating when there is no clash of interests. The true test of a bond comes when differences develop. Unfortunately when it happens, most people prefer to believe that it is an end of their relationship. In actual fact, conflict might be good for our relationships!
Ignoring differences, arguments and words spoken in anger will only fester wounds and when they finally come to surface, the situation will get uglier.
Conflict in relationships is a sign that it is maturing. It can be resolved with a bit of compromise from both parties involved.
Rather than relying on a thin, idealized hope that we will all one day just get along, we can approach conflict resolution as an art form that we are privileged to develop and hone.
Diane Musho Hamilton
How Conflict Might Be Good For Our Relationships
Next time, you find an issue souring a precious bond for you, remember the following points:
Use this Opportunity to Really Listen to them
The first step you need to take when it comes to dealing with a conflict is to listen to your problem. The key is to do so without planning to retaliate or prove your partner wrong. Instead try to understand the other’s point of view. Sometimes lending a ear to their perspective can solve half the problem.
Be on the same Team
Working with your partner, instead of against them can make all the difference to your relationship. Therefore, when a crisis hits, you two should find a solution for it like a team. Both of you should be ready to play your part because that is how a successful relationship is built.
Besides, there is a lot of room for you two to appreciate and understand each other as you work together. At least, much more than sulking alone in separate rooms.
Address a particular problem
Instead of targeting your partner personally, address the specific behaviors that are bothering you. If it is their snoring, tell them politely to get help for that because it will be good for them instead of lashing out with ‘you are always disturbing me with your snoring and other habits.’ You see how the latter sounds like? You just start hating the person instead of their one annoying habit.
Don’t be Shy to Say Sorry
In case, you do end up saying something harsh or insensitive, you should always apologize. Accepting your mistake requires courage. When you tell your partner, you are sorry you are showing that they matter to you a lot. At times, that is all your partner wants to know.
You see, problems in a relationship always happen because nobody is perfect. The point is to accept the other person with their imperfections. No matter how cliched it might sound to you, this is how relationships are strengthened.
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Yes talking about a problem is the most practical step to take but most often we are so used to tip toeing around the other person or scared to upset the boat, that we end up frustrated and take the hard step of moving away from the relationship ultimately. Sourness steps in and leads to a lot of resentment which is so difficult to get rid of.
This post is a fantastic advice for people in general as we all have relationships in our live but speaking from my personal experience, there are very few relationships where I would address this issue. Sometimes its best to let sleeping dogs lie 😉
Conflict resolution is an art that not too many people seem to be good at. More often than not, people end up fighting and relationships sour. Being able to talk things out and apologise are important skills we all need to develop.
Modern Gypsy recently posted..Journaling for self awareness: write your way to clarity
Have lived through this and worked our way upwards from the lowest point in our relationship. So I can vouch for this thoughtful post.
It is true…..there is a lot of room for both to appreciate and understand each other
Joe recently posted..Pants and cuffs
Hi Corinne – we use a lot of these tips in our marriage – and it’s taken time and work to be able to work through a disagreement in a way that has a positive outcome. There were many years where harsh words and defensiveness caused a lot more grief than was necessary. Learning how to disagree and work through to a resolution is such a fantastic skill to develop – we still don’t always get it right, but when we do it makes moving forward so much easier. We won’t agree on everything, but learning to disagree and find common ground is a definite skill.
Hi Corinne, thanks for a great post! I completely agree that conflict is actually a healthy thing although it depends on how we approach it, as you suggest. It’s interesting that many of us our taught to fear it and don’t know how to share what we’re feeling or thinking? Thanks for some great advice 🙂
Turning together toward the conflict and committing to resolution –yes, I can see how this would strengthen a relationship.
I think we need to address conflict issues in a healthy manner, take time in listening, delete the misplaced ego and argue with an open mind. Discuss on what led to the issues cropping up driving a wedge between the couple. I agree with you, there is no harm in saying sorry. We can always disagree respectfully and take into accounts points to grow as a couple.