This may sound trite but relationships are hard work. But in today’s first world protective bubble we’re simply not accustomed to hard work… Unless of course we’re at work. Most of us work really hard for long hours and for a pay packet that almost never reflects the time, care and effort that we’ve put into our work. As such, when it comes to the sparse free time we do have, the last thing we want to do is hard work. We want to switch on the TV, order pizza and snuggle up on the sofa… Or dive under the duvet with a good book and a hot mug of cocoa. The last thing we want to do is put hard work into anything, no matter how much it’ll benefit us. Even those of us who aren’t fundamentally lazy people can become lazy in our relationships. There’s no worse feeling than being in a relationship with someone where it feels as though you give and give and all they do is take because they’ve taken your giving for granted.
Handling A Breakup Like A Goddess (No Matter How You Feel Inside)
It’s easy to fall into a rhythm, to get stuck in a rut, to gloss over our partner’s failings and carry on going through the motions. When this happens it takes real fortitude to step out of yourself, take a good hard look at your life and ask “Is this really what I want?”. When you have children together, the waters may well be muddied. You don’t want to disrupt the family unit but at the same time you feel that staying with this person will lead to a lifetime of suppressed grinding resentments. And that’s not a healthy environment in which you want to raise a child. Ending a relationship can be extremely painful but in some cases it’s for the best for all parties. Here we’ll look at how you can break up with the tact, diplomacy and grace of a Goddess… No matter how you feel inside.
First, be sure that this is what you want
The last thing you want to do is end a relationship as the result of a huge fight or prolonged argument. You could send your partner packing and want them back with a longing you never thought possible after just a couple of weeks. While there are techniques that you can use to text your ex back and heal the rift with aplomb, it’s always a good idea to allow yourself time to think. Our loved ones can often drive us up the wall but in their absence we can feel a vacuum that’s hard to fill. Arguments can be resolved, wounds can be healed and even infidelity can be forgiven. On the subject of forgiveness, forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. Just because you choose to forgive somebody and heal together doesn’t make you a doormat. If, however, you’ve concluded that you and your partner simply aren’t right for one another, the kindest thing to do for both of you is to act decisively.
Handling the breakup
The most important thing to remember when ending a relationship in which you’re unhappy is not to wait for a “good” time to do it. There will never, ever, ever be one. If you think to yourself “I can’t do it now, it’s too close to our anniversary” or “I’ll do it right after his birthday”, you’ll just keep finding more and more reasons to put it off. You both deserve better than to keep stringing your partner along in a relationship that’s lost its luster.
Be honest with your partner. Calmly explain to them the reasons why you can no longer continue the relationship. Be frank (but not brutal) and try to keep emotions out of the equation and stick to the logical reasons why you can no longer be together.
Going cold turkey
After separating from your partner you may feel an intense period of longing and loneliness. That’s because experts believe that our psychological dependence on love is like any other form of addiction. And when it is taken away from us we go into a period of withdrawal just like when we try to quit smoking or switch to decaf. Navigating these early stages will be the hardest part of the breakup.
Your emotions will wreak havoc with you. You’ll begin to romanticize and idealize your ex. All the things that made the relationship untenable will begin to melt away and you’ll remember only the good times. Try to apply some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques to these thoughts. Deconstruct them using logic and past experiences and while the craving may not abate you’ll know in your heart and in your head that getting back together is not an option.
Try to stay friends
The great news is that a lot of the things you liked about your ex (aside from the back rubs they used to give you or the way they brought you breakfast in bed) aren’t necessarily gone from your life. You may still be able to laugh together, smile together and even hug without bit bringing up a maelstrom of emotions. Two people can acknowledge that they’re wrong for each other without demonizing one another. If you have kids together, you have the opportunity to demonstrate that two adults can still enjoy a healthy relationship even if they’re no longer partners. The whole experience will make you a better parent and you’ll teach your kids how to positively handle relationships. Of course, you don’t have to stay friends to co-parent effectively but it certainly helps. if you choose to continue to have some form of relationship with your ex it’s important to remember…
Learn to be happy for your ex when they move on
Inevitably, both you and your ex will move on and meet new people. But even if you see that they move on before you, the hardest trial you’ll need to navigate is learning to be happy for them.
When you surpass that most difficult of hurdles you’ll know that you’ve truly moved on and handled the potentially ruinous experience of breaking up like the Goddess you are!