I’m participating in the Write Tribe Problogger October 2017 Blogging Challenge through October and will be following the prompts suggested. I’ve also decided to focus on the theme of Anonymously Me – stories that people have shared with me and that we could all learn lessons from. Today’s Anonymously Me story, An Empty Womb was shared with me by 30-something woman from urban India. I’ve tried to be faithful to what I was told.
If you have a story you’d like to share anonymously on Everyday Gyaan, do contact me. You can be assured that I will keep your name and details confidential.
An Arranged Marriage
Married at age 24 to a man of my parent’s choice in a typical arranged marriage. Why did I not resist an arranged marriage? Because I thought that my parents knew best, and I was excited to get married!
I found it hard to adjust to my husband and his parents. I was the daughter of an Army Officer and was used to a lot more freedom and yes, even house help. At my in-laws place, I was expected to do all the household work. I was not allowed to make phone calls, without letting my husband or mother-in-law know who I was calling and why. I could eat only after the men of the house had eaten and having friends seemed like a forgotten luxury! Why did my parents choose to get me married to this man? I realized that they were given to understand that my husband was planning to move to his own place. He never did.
An Empty Womb
Then came the all important test I had to pass. Give birth to a son and heir. When month after month passed and I didn’t get pregnant, the pressure began to mount. Then after a year, it seemed like I was pregnant. My mother-in-law seemed to keep a diary of my cycle! She marched me off to a get a test done. I waited with bated breath for the results, hoping I was pregnant and could get her off my case. When it was confirmed that I was pregnant, they couldn’t wait to have a gender test done. I too hoped that I was having a boy, because I shuddered to think of what would happen if the baby was a girl. It was a boy, and over the next two months, I was treated like a queen. Until that sad day, when I had a miscarriage and lost my baby. Life never was the same after that. My husband and his parents were never physically violent, but their pressure tactics, slights and insults began to kill me.
The End of Marriage #1
Six months after I lost my first baby, I was pregnant again, but had another miscarriage. That’s when all hell broke loose. One morning I woke up to find my husband and his parents huddled around the dining room. They informed me that a decision had been made. My husband was going to divorce me on the grounds that I was not able to give him a child, and get married again. I was shocked, yet relieved. I called my parents who came in the next day and took me to their home.
Back at my parent’s place, it seemed that I could breathe again. I decided to finish that MBA I started. That over, I began to work. I began to enjoy the life of a single, working woman. That was until I reached 30. My parents began to look out for another husband for me. They worried that being an only child, I would have no one to ‘look after me’ after they had passed.
This time, I promised myself that I would have more say in the choice of a husband. After meeting several guys, I met husband #2. Suave, well-educated and open to dating before we were engaged, this guy had been married before too. I shared with him all the details of my previous marriage and told him not to expect me to give birth to a child. He promised he was fine with that. A year after we were married, he began to put pressure on me to go the IVF route. He was much more convincing and loving about it, so I obliged. I allowed myself to go through all the pain, the waiting, the disappointment for nothing. Two years later, when he has realized that I am definitely not going to get pregnant, he has started to talk of divorce too…….
Never in my wildest dreams (or nightmares) could I have guessed that I’d end being just another statistic. Another woman cast aside for no fault of her own. Another victim of society and its archaic set of rules – so different for men and women. I never dreamed that I would pay the price not once, but twice because my body couldn’t oblige. Because my womb couldn’t bring a baby to term. Because I could never make a man a father, or incidentally be a mother! I am the victim of an empty womb!
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The prompt for this week is ‘bated breath’.
THis is so heartbreaking a woman’s worth is decided by her womb? Definitely not.
Such a heartless lot! So many people who believe women only exist to fulfil their needs and wants alone! My heart goes out to this lady! She definitely needs to rethink her priorities henceforth and focus on what she wants instead!
Such men are a curse to the society . She was married to be a wife or a reproduction machine ? How sick
Such a sad story. Did these men marry the woman or the mother-to-be-of-his-son? Quite sickening. I do hope she gets her MBA and moves on to a happier life. Facts or Fiction? #4 in ProBlogger Challenge
This person obviously has so much to offer the world and a partner besides being a baby machine. I hope she realises that. I’m sorry she went through this and thank her for sharing her story.
Thats so heartbreaking ..why the society has to be so harsh on the person who is already facing a lot in her life..may God bless her with lot of strength to prove her individuality to this harsh world..
That is such a heartbreaking story! Years ago, I saw a Marathi movie with a similar storyline. Thankfully, in the movie, the daughter-in-law had her father-in-law on her side. At least she had someone who understood her plight and stood by her side, come what may! When I hear such tales, I feel the women were better off being single, isn’t it? But, then, will the parents and the society allow her to live in peace?
The fact that this is a true story makes my heart break. Is there no meaning of love and relationship? I hope she has found herself again … No one deserves guys like that.
So heartbreaking for her. Not only was she just seen as a baby-making device but no one cared about how she felt.
How sad for her. Such shallow men. I hope life treats her well from now on.
How absolutely absurd to be condemned in such a cruel way. I do hope her exes have awful children who make them cry. As for her she should forget these monster men and their families . I hope she gets the joy she deserves in her life
It’s sad to know that in some cultures, women are still treated as a commodity. Or a tool to get a goal. The ex’s parents, meaning the mom was there? How could another woman do and feel that for another? It beats me.
Just be glad that all hell’s over. Thanks for sharing this difficult yet inspiring story.
OMG ! That a shame on world for its existence. those who cant respect who is alive over unborn. this is so heart breaking. i feel like killing both the men right now. i know violet but honestly i dont care. I DONT CARE because they didnt care . This is why i am not just feminist but bias towards women. i have no shame in admitting that because some has to be on female gender side right or wrong. does this mean an eye for an eye. yes it might.. but again i dont care. this bias towards mens can only be counter stopped by bias towards women.
the bespectacled mother
This makes me angry. Why should a woman bear the brunt everytime? Why she has to prove her worth by giving birth to a baby?
This is so sad and painful to read. Miscarriage is physically and emotionally draining on the mother to be without the added burden of the family members pointing it out as her fault! I wish I could hug this person and tell her its ok – she is better off without them all!!