Can I be sad and angry please? is written on the fly. If it offends anyone, it wasn’t meant to. But if it speaks to you, please act on it.
Can I Be Sad And Angry Please?
Get over it!
(Why? Because it makes you feel better?)
Think of all the other people who are suffering more than you!
(I do and I will. But let me feel my own pain too, if you don’t mind.)
She’s lived a full life.
(Which is why it makes it harder to come to terms with, buddy!)
Thank God his suffering is over.
(Yes, I realize it made you feel like God was not answering your prayers!)
You’ll find someone else. There’s always someone special out there.
(Oh, I didn’t know you had the ‘gift’. Presently I’m mourning the loss of a relationship and will think of another one only when I’m ready.)
Suck it up, buttercup.
(Seriously? ‘Shut up’ also rhymes with buttercup!)
Words and phrases thrown at us – and things we’ve said to other people too, perhaps. Things we say because we have a hard time dealing with pain – our pain and the pain of other people.
So why are we always told to hush up when we cry? Why can’t people give us the time and space to grieve, to mourn, to rage for a bit?
Why do we always have to sugarcoat things for other people when we think they’re sad or worried? Why do we feel the burden to step in and resolve other people’s conflict? If someone stops communicating (and we’re certain they’re safe), why can’t we honor their need for space?
“Your wife died? Don’t cry, she’s in heaven!”
(Really, you know that? How did you get so wise and all-knowing?)
“You and your brother are not talking to each other? You’ve got to make up, you’re family after all!
(Really, so does being family mean your sibling can treat you like crap and you have to suck it up?)
“Why are you mad with him for getting drunk on your birthday. He’s feeling bad he forgot your birthday.”
(Seriously? He forgot my birthday, I must be the one getting drunk, don’t you think?)
The truth is – pain, sadness and conflict exist. They have a place in our life. With pain and sadness, we could never experience joy and happiness and the feeling of community.
Everyone needs space and time to get over sorrow, loss, anger, conflict.
When we are forced to ‘get over it’ or try to fight these feelings without really acknowledging them, we are only temporarily suspending them. What we resist, persists. They don’t go away. The feelings are there under the surface. Attempting to ‘be positive’ or ‘be friends again’ or ‘take it on the chin’ are all superficial ways of dealing with pain, anger and conflict.
If we embrace and acknowledge our sorrow or anger – emotions that make us feel uncomfortable or vulnerable, we are honoring ourselves. We are reminding ourselves of our humanness. We’re acknowledging that our life’s journey has both light and dark sides to it. We are simply just ‘being’. We are being authentic.
Can I be sad and angry, please? Let me ‘be’ even when it makes you uncomfortable. And may I allow others to ‘be’ even when it makes me uncomfortable.
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