I’m sure this last year has been been a huge challenge for us all. In India, the number of deaths from Covid are rising by the day. The stories are horrendous. Life seems a bit surreal these days, doesn’t it? There are times you feel fragile, vulnerable, broken open.
In recent times, almost everyone I know has experienced some kind of major loss- death of a family member or a friend, break up of a relationship, illness or job loss.
Broken Open
Today, is the third anniversary of my father‘s passing and the perfect opportunity to examine my own feelings of brokenness that came not just with his passing but in the year that led up to it. Without going into details, let me say that it has resulted in me cutting myself off almost entirely from my family. As I reflected this morning, I realized that I’ve moved past the pain and towards gratitude for all that happened.
This is the pattern I’ve experienced with the losses, I’ve gone through. At first there’s pain, the feeling of being broken open. But as I accept my feelings rather than resist them, they slowly turn into something else. I experience grace, gratitude and peace. Above all, I am better able to empathise with others facing loss, the uncertainty and the pain that inevitable changes of life bring.
We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us and make us kinder and more open to what scares us.
Pema Chödrön
We are not broken open for nothing. Our brokenness can serve a purpose far greater than we realize.
This post was written in response to Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday prompt – Broken
Oh, Corinne! I’m so sorry for the loss of your father and for the rupture in your family relationships. May God continue to work in the situation and bring healing.
Hi Corinne, I can certainly understand what you are going through. I lost my father 11 years ago. But your words are so true: “Our brokenness can serve a purpose far greater than we realize”. Your fmf neighbour #31
Losing a parent is the most scariest thing for everyone. When it actually happens, I am sure we will feel lost for a long time. I am sorry for your loss, Corinne. When I think of some of the dear ones I have lost, the process of healing has been very slow and thinking about the good times and many memories has helped better. When we try to see the bigger picture, we feel better, but that happens only when we go through the full pain and wake up to saying GOODBYE with a whole heart.
The quote by Pema Chodon resonates so well with my mind struggling to say YES to my daughter often. I am making a note of it because when my daughter jumps and runs, I am constantly trying to push my fears away and tell her a YES.
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I’m so sorry for your losses.
This is for you.
“Will the circle be unbroken..?”
Thus, the old familiar song;
finer words were never spoken
but I think they might be wrong
for a circle doth divide
what’s without from what’s within,
and can therefore lock in pride,
the devil’s most beloved sin.
Better that the circle’s ruptured,
and we open up our hearts,
naked, unreserved, unstructured,
so that God can make a start
to soften brittleness we’ve rendered
and make us iron, holy-tempered.
Loss does leave us broken and vulnerable. The way you have handled it is an inspiration. As my guru says what happens to you is not in your control, but what you do about it is. And pain is a great fertiliser for personal growth.