I’ve been one of those people who was too nice for their own good. This was mostly with my friends, acquaintances and colleagues. In my experience, often being too nice is not nice!
You taught me to be nice, so nice that now I am so full of niceness, I have no sense of right and wrong, no outrage, no passion.~ Garrison Keillor
Being too nice is not nice
You might ask, isn’t ‘niceness’ a good quality in a relationship? Well, it is, if you don’t end up suppressing your needs, your opinions, not stating your preferences and generally being a wimp.
Niceness is nice as long as it’s not a result of low self-esteem, guilt or loneliness. If it’s the result of any of these, then it can really be a killer – because you’ll only attract to yourself people who exploit you.
“You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”- Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
I guess much of the reason we’re nice is that we all suffer from what I call the ‘what-will-people-say’ syndrome. Well, somewhere along the way, I asked myself who these ‘people’ were, did they really care about me and wasn’t being nice to myself my first duty? I found that when I started expressing my views, opinions and asserting myself that the people who really cared applauded and the ‘exploiters’ were the ones who couldn’t handle it. I also found that I’m happier, less stressed and more confident now than when I was too nice.
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#FridayReflections
Friday Reflections is a link up hosted by Shalini at KohlEyed Me and me, Corinne at Everyday Gyaan. We invite you to join us every Friday to share a good cup of tea and your reflections based on the prompts we provide.
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Prompts for 6 July 2018 are:
1. Ten things that make you feel happy all the time.
2. “You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”- Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
3. Picture Credit: Shalini R Nair
Oh, how I can totally relate to this. I have always been ‘nice’ to people only to come and bite me in the a$$ :/
I had to read this today. I simply had to.
I can relate to this so much. I really need to learn the same lessons you’ve learned in this area of life. It’s tough, though.
There’s a fine line between “nice” and “pushover”, that’s for sure! People need to assert themselves, as you said, otherwise they’ll never be happy. Have a good weekend, Corinne! 🙂
Um. I tried to add my post but I can’t see it so I’m not sure if it worked?
Anyway, yes to everything you said here. I’m so guilty of being nice to people who wouldn’t like me if I gave them a ferrari. Unfortunately seems to be a female thing. Sigh. I’ve made some progress but every so often this issue crops up again. Thanks for the reminder that I need to work on it.
Okay now I can see my post. Twice. I guess it worked. LOL!
Am probably not nice, but I’m civil, most of the time. It depends on who I have in front of me. And no, I don’t deal with “what do people say!”
I wonder what you mean with “nice”….? In need of a definition before talking about it! “Nice” is a very cultural world.. Is it respectful …is it understanding …. is it polite …. is it manipulative …. is it shallow …. is it politically correct … what do you mean with nice?
An interesting view point indeed.I am undergoing personal spring cleaning so this came at a good time.
There is nice, and there is “announcing yourself as a target for abuse”. Women, especially, are socialized into thinking they must put others first, they must be “nice” and it is their fault when others treat them with nastiness. We learn we must smile although in pain, we must take care of others even when they are sick. It destroys us in the end when we don’t put ourselves first. That is not being selfish, it is being protective. In the end, the only person we can depend on is ourselves. Thankful that you have found your way out of the “niceness” trap.
” I found that when I started expressing my views, opinions and asserting myself that the people who really cared applauded and the ‘exploiters’ were the ones who couldn’t handle it” So true, I’ve found that too. Strangely some of them were the people who loved to dish it out, but couldn’t take it!
You said it, Corinne! No one warns you that being nice all the times isn’t nice for you!
I find that once you are ‘nice’ people expect you to be nice always irrespective of what they do to you and that is absolutely not fair. I go with being myself now, as I am, warts and all, not sure whether I fit into other people’s definitions or labels of being nice anymore or not. It is incredibly liberating when we can do that.
Rather than being nice, if one can be honest self, will save much of milk from curdling. However the moment of awakening arises only after biting the dust. This happy realization dawned in my life after four decades of existence! Still, I would say…better late than never!
Such a brilliant post and I agree with it completely. it is better, to be honest rather than always being nice. I mostly follow this philosophy and sometimes get trouble too.