WOW Wednesday - The Leadership Gene

I came across this article only this morning while looking for something 'wise' to share with you today. What Mel Robbins has to say really resonated with me. Being a corporate trainer, I can't count the number of times I've told people that it's always the little things that matter...like holding the lift for someone, or not jumping the queue, or picking up for someone the stuff they have accidentally dropped...or getting a glass of water for someone who's having a fit of coughing....I could go on....... But you go ahead and read this piece of wisdom.

Leadership landed me a job. Just not in a way you might think.

I always plan to show up early for every appointment—“ just in case.” There are many variables, from traffic to parking to finding the right building and floor. I don’t always get there early, but I do plan for it.

This was one of those days when everything just clicked. No traffic. Open parking. Bizarrely smooth sailing. I turned out to be 20 minutes early.

I killed time by buying coffee and a magazine, and I went in to see the receptionist. I could just sit and relax and read and wait.

It was the summer of 2001. I had just started my career as a business coach for some big companies like Johnson & Johnson and Bear Sterns. This was going to be a big account for me, if I got the job. I was supposed to meet with some guy named Alex—a bigwig, senior VP. I had my pitch completely nailed. I had practiced exactly what I was going to say to land the account. I had it down cold. I was so confident I was simply going to enjoy the magazine and my coffee in the waiting area.

This story sticks out in my mind because of one singular image: the ladies’ room. I was in a professional office building; I expected certain things. One of them was a relatively clean restroom. But I was shocked when I walked in. It was a mess. Something akin to “the horror” Col. Kurtz was talking about in Apocalypse Now.

I emerged from my stall to see a woman, a businesswoman, cleaning up—picking up the paper towels, wiping up the sink area. I was so impressed that I immediately mimicked her actions. I didn’t want anyone to think I was in any way responsible for contributing to this catastrophe.

I attempted to make small talk and support her plan of attack, saying, “A woman’s work is never done…”

“Do you think women feel so at ease in here they are truly themselves, or is it the opposite, and they just stop caring?” she asked me, then scooted out the door.

I returned to my coffee and magazine in the waiting area until the receptionist ushered me into the vice president’s office for my big interview. And there she sat: the woman from the ladies’ room.

“Hi, I’m Mel.”

“Nice to meet you, Mel; I’m Alex.” Silly for me, of all people, to think I had to be meeting a guy.

“I have to tell you, Alex, you really got me thinking about bathroom etiquette,” I said. “I think people just don’t think it’s their job. They know someone else will take care of it.”

Alex replied quickly: “Then I think most people are missing the point.”

“You are absolutely right. I learned one thing today. A true leader leaves the bathroom cleaner than they found it. You are someone I definitely have to work with.”

And with that, I had the job. No planned speech, no résumé. We just saw eye to eye. She taught me a lesson I carry with me to this very day. When I get up and leave a conference room, a public restroom, any space, I want to be the example. Leading is just that—taking the lead.

Alex was right. Most people are missing the point. A true leader leaves the bathroom cleaner than they found it.

How do you behave when no one is watching? Answer that, and you’ll know whether you truly have the leadership gene. If you do, I’d follow you anywhere. Even in a public restroom.

Didn't you like that...........

Leadership is not about having the top job, or having a huge staff reporting to you, or getting the best office in town........it's about being a leader even when no one is watching! ~ Corinne Rodrigues

May you be inspired - everyday!

Article by Mel Robbins from Success Magazine - www.successmagazine.com

Mel Robbins  is a syndicated radio host, contributor to CNBC, spokesperson for Microsoft, entrepreneur, lawyer, wife and mother. She’s an expert on business, success and helping people get what they want.

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To Be or Not to Be…..Cynical - Part 2

Continuing from Part 1 of  my post on the subject, I'd like to share a story with you:

Chassidic master Rabbi Dovid of Lelov was walking down the street when all of a sudden a woman jumped on him and began to beat him and scream at him. After a while she noticed that the rabbi was not the man she thought he was: her husband, who had left her to her fate and abandoned her many years ago. She burst into tears out of shame and remorse.

Rabbi Dovid got back to his feet and consoled her, saying that she had not beaten him but her eloped husband.

If we allow our hurts and bad experiences to rule us we too might end up 'beating' the wrong people. We will react to a loved one, a friend...a stranger even  - and then later discover later  that we were never truly angry at them, but at the person we thought they were...

So back to my question - to be or not to be cynical? Here's how one of you responded:

Yes, one tends to get cynical after getting hurt a few times. But over the years, I have learnt to accept that I am basically trusting of others and THAT cannot change…..the knee jerk reaction of becoming cynical lasts for a wee while only and then I am back to being “me”……..the stupid trusting person and THAT is okay with me. ~ Evita - a reader of Everyday Gyaan

I'm afraid that cynicism will make me -

a. Defensive - see all criticism as negative - assuming that everyone is against me.
b. Emotionally distant - not allow myself to be vulnerable or get close to anyone.
c. Become preemptive in my behavior - hurt people before they hurt me.

Once again this would go against my nature. Do I want to become defensive, cold or unfeeling?  And in protecting myself from getting hurt, do I want to cause hurt to others - especially those I love?


More about this subject in Part 3 of this topic.

May you be inspired - everyday!



PS: I would love to hear what you think - do write to me at:  everydaygyaan@gmail.com.

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Musical Monday - Both Sides Now

       30 years on.......



















This Monday, it's Joni Mitchell's 'Both Sides Now'. I guess after 44 years and 6 months (!) on Planet Earth , I have indeed seen life from both sides now. And I've come to the realization that things are not just not black and white but that even the shades of grey are getting multiplied....

These lines are particularly true for me :

But now old friends are acting strange,

they shake their heads, they say I've changed. (and my poor husband's blamed!)

But then again  - Something's lost but something's gained in living every day. How very true - I've outgrown some people and things and perhaps they've outgrown me too....but I know I'm living every day getting new inspiration,  perspectives on life and thinking, laughing and loving - freely! 

May you be inspired (and gain something in living - everyday!

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Lyrics:

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, I've looked at clouds that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
So many things I would have done but clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions i recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.

Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real; I've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall.
I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "I love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say
I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall.
I really don't know life at all.

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Will Be Right Back - Tomorrow !

Dear Readers

I'm sorry that I've taken some French leave - but then I flatter myself to think that you read Everyday Gyaan everyday :)

I'll be back....tomorrow - I promise.

In the meanwhile you could browse through earlier posts - of Friday Film, Saturday Story and Spiritual Sunday.

Or send me your This too is Happiness list........and let me have your views on whether you wish To be......or not to be cynical. 

I'll be right back...tomorrow. Until then, may you be inspired - everyday!

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Thursday Therapy - A Good Belly Laugh!

Sound of Laughter
Originally uploaded by hersley

Warning: If you have to be reminded of the need to laugh, you really need to read this post - and fast ;) 

Now, don't get me wrong -  what this post isn't about is Laughter Yoga or Laughter Clubs. Oh, no, no, no........I find it so odd that a group of perfectly normal (or at least I think so!) human beings getting together and forcing themselves to laugh. It's way beyond silly....it's sad. I think that there's so much that happens  to us and around us everyday that is funny enough. If you would just take the time to see, feel and ......laugh. 

Why laugh? Why ever not...but then if you're not a 'believer' here are some reasons why there's nothing so good as a good laugh (based on research - and none of it mine!):

The belly laugh is the best way to evacuate anguish. ~Jean Vanier

1. Laughter boosts your immune system and so helps you to fight off illnesses.  It increases the amount of immunoglobulins (antibodies), natural killer cells and T cells in the body, which fight infection and tumors.
2. Laughing reduces pain. Children watching comedy films relax more and tolerate pain more easily. In fact, humorous videos are being used in anaesthetic rooms at Manchester Children's Hospital. And an American nurse has found that telling jokes to her patients before she administers a painful treatment reduces their discomfort.
3. Laughing reduces allergic responses, including hay fever symptoms.
4. Laughing lifts your mood.  
5. Laughing reduces the effect of stress by lowering stress hormone levels.
6. Laughing helps keeps diabetes under control. It may help to control spikes in blood sugar levels after a meal, reducing the chances of diabetic complications. In one study, people who watched a funny video during dinner had lower blood sugar levels after the meal compared to the people who watched a lecture video.

There ain’t much fun in medicine, but there’s a heck of a lot of medicine in fun. ~Josh Billings

What to laugh at? If you asked this question...you need help.....but I'll answer anyway!

1. Laugh at yourself in the mirror - otherwise you might feel bad!
2. Laugh when someone tells you a joke (if it's non-racist, non-sexist and not hurtful to anyone!)
3. Laugh when you make a mistake - it will help you to feel better and to remember that mistakes are part of the whole scheme of things called life.
4. Laugh with small children. Children delight in the fundamental things - like being tickled, watching animal antics and even the sight of another child's bottom (how much more fundamental, can you get?). 
5. Laugh at situations that our out of your control. For example, you find yourself in public without your salwar worn inside out - I swear I went almost a whole day like that! 
6. Laugh when your 'best-laid plans' go awry. You turn up to catch a flight - like my husband did - an hour later than scheduled - he set his alarm for 4.45 am instead of 3.45 am!
7. Friends can share a laugh together over the most mundane and silly things. Laugh - be silly - talk in a strange language - or chat with your friend using the worst grammar possible. I do this with two of my friends - Vidya and Aruna. We do so often now, that when we frame correct sentences - they seem wrong! (I had written about this in a post a couple of years back.)

The word "silly" derives from the Greek "selig" meaning "blessed." There is something sacred in being able to be silly. ~ Paul Pearsall in The Heart's Code

Treat yourself to a laugh:

1. Watch a funny movie or a silly comedy show on TV.

2. Read a funny book.

3. Watch a stand up comedian - there's plenty of stuff on YouTube.

4. Meet or connect with people of a similar sense of humor - share funny stories, crack jokes, and enjoy. Stay in touch during the week by e-mailing each other the best Internet humor you can access.

5. Finally, marry someone who's crazy - you get laughs for free! José thinks I'm mad, but he tells me that's precisely the reason he married me!

If it weren't for the brief respite we give the world with our foolishness, the world would see mass suicide in numbers that compare favorably with the death rate of lemmings. ~  Groucho Marx                                                                                                                    

May you be inspired (to laugh) everyday!

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Laughter, The Best Medicine II
The Healing Power of Humor
The Book of Laughter and Forgetting

To Be or Not to Be…..cynical - Part 1

Here's another post related to the 14 topics I had promised to write about.

See that puzzled look on that face? That's exactly how I feel about this question: Is it a good thing to be cynical?

The word has two meanings:

cynical: adj:  disapproving 1.  believing that people are only interested in themselves and are not sincere. 2. describes a tendency to use someone's feelings or emotions to your own advantage. Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary

For the purpose of this post, I'm sticking with the first meaning of being skeptical of the motives of others.

The older we grow and the more we interact with people, the more we seem to meet up with people who are insincere or take you for granted. For example:

1. The 'friend' who borrowed a largish sum of money from you to buy a car. Then goes on to buy a house and  establish herself with no sign of returning your money. When asked  for the money, saying that she now  seems to be quite well off, she turns on you with a 'Oh, you're just jealous of my good fortune." Phew!

2. The ex-colleague who calls only when she needed a favor. She prefaces her request with some inane niceties. After about five such calls, you ask her,  "What do you want now?" She's 'offended' and then goes on to ask for a favor anyway!

3. 'Friend' A who keeps conveying all the nasty things 'Friend' B says about you, as well as all the stuff  she does to him. Suddenly, 'Friend' A stops taking your calls for no reason - instead you get long, convoluted SMS messages from him explain his busyness (doesn't it take longer to text?). A month later, you learn that 'Friend' A is setting off for a holiday to visit Friend 'B'  and that's the reason he was avoiding you! Phew, again!!

These experiences and many such others, make you a bit distrustful of people's motives.

Cynicism, while not being a classic defense mechanism, is a means by which we protect ourselves from getting hurt. We don't want to face a similar situation or person, so the moment we meet someone whose behavior (or looks even) reminds us of the person who hurt us or took advantage of us, we avoid them.

If we get cynical to avoid getting hurt ....what's wrong with that? 

I asked José and Vidya if it was a good idea to be cynical. They both said it was, because not being aware of the motives of other people would be too naive.....Hmmmm.....

My confusion about whether cynicism is good or bad stems from the fact that I'm afraid that if I get cynical, I'll lose out on a lot of my personality. By nature, I'm open and trusting of people. I easily warm up to people and vice-versa. So if I get cynical, I would, in a sense, be changing who I am.  ...Do I want to be defined by the behavior of others?  


More on this topic in Part 2 of this post.

May you be inspired - everyday!

PS: What do you think of the question - write to me at everydaygyaan@gmail.com

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The Basic Writings of Sigmund Freud (Psychopathology of Everyday Life, the Interpretation of Dreams, and Three Contributions To the Theory of Sex)The Ego and the Id (The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud)

WOW Wednesday - Daniel Goleman

Daniel Goleman in his groundbreaking 'Emotional Intelligence' tells a story of his friend, Terry Dobson, who in the 1950s was one of the first Americans to study the martial art aikido in Japan. 

One afternoon he was riding home on a suburban Tokyo train when a huge, bellicose, and very drunk and begrimed laborer got on. The man, stagerring, began terrorizing the passengers, screaming curses, he took a swing at a woman holding a baby, sending her sprawling in the laps of a n elderly couple, who then jumped up and joined a stampede to the other end of the car.

At this point, Terry felt called to intervene, lest someone get seriously hurt.  He saw his chance to test his aikido abilities in real life, in what was clearly a legitimate opportunity. So, as all the other passengers sat frozen in the seats, Terry stood up, slowly and with deliberation.

Seeing him, the drunk roared, ‘Aha! A foreigner! You need a lesson in Japanese manners!’ and began gathering himself to take on Terry.

But just as the drunk was on the verge of making his move, someone gave an earsplitting, oddly joyous shout: ‘Hey!’

The shout had the cheery tone of someone who has suddenly come upon a fond friend. The drunk, surprised, spun around to see a tiny Japanese man, probably in his seventies, sitting there in a kimono. The old man beamed with delight at the drunk, and beckoned him over with a light wave of his hand and a lilting "C’mere."

The drunk strode over with a belligerent, "Why the hell should I talk to you?" Meanwhile, Terry was ready to fell the drunk in a moment if he made the least violent move.

"What’cha been drinking?" the old man asked, his eyes beaming at the drunken laborer.

"I’ve been drinking sake, and it’s none of your business," the drunk bellowed.

"Oh, that’s wonderful, absolutely wonderful," the old man replied in a warm tone. "You see, I love sake, too. Every night, me and my wife (she's seventy six, you know), we warm up a little bottle of sake and take it out into the garden, and we sit on an old wooden bench…" He continued on about the persimmon tree in his backyard, the fortunes of his garden, enjoying sake in the evening.

The drunk’s face began to soften as he listened to the old man; his fists unclenched. "Yeah… I love persimmons, too…," he said, his voice trailing off.

"Yes," the old man replied in a sprightly voice, "and I’m sure you have a wonderful wife."

"No," said the laborer. "My wife died…" Sobbing, he launched into a sad tale of losing his wife, his home, his job, of being ashamed of himself.

Just then the train came to Terry’s stop, and as he was getting off he turned to hear the old man invite the drunk to join him and tell him all about it, and to see the drunk sprawl along the seat, his head in the old man’s lap.

That is emotional brilliance.


What an excellent example of the ability to calm someone who is at the peak of rage with empathy and compassion. 


May you be inspired - everyday!

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Thankful Tuesday - Gratitude on Your Desk

Gratitude frame
Originally uploaded by AnneBM

Gratitude is the intention to count-your-blessings every day, every minute, while avoiding, whenever possible, the belief that you need or deserve different circumstances.

— Timothy Miller in 'How To Want What You Have'

King Faisal of Saudi Arabia displayed a flask of petroleum on his desk with a card saying "Allah's Bounty." What would you put on your desk as a constant reminder of gratitude?

I'm working on getting something myself - any  suggestions?

May you be inspired - everyday!

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Musical Monday - One Dream

This was the song used for the 2010 Winter Olympics held in Vancouver this February. It is inspired by the Olympics and dedicated to the athletes who strive to make their dreams come true.

Today is the birthday of a friend, who I always called 'the dreamer' -  Isidore Phillips, Director of Divya Disha and an Ashoka Fellow. For the many years I've known him he has dreamed one dream - to make this world a safer and happier place for children. He's living his dream and inspiring others to make a difference too. 

Wishing you all that's good, Isi, as you continue to make your dream and the dreams of many children come true. Thank you for keeping the torch of Divya Disha burning!

May you be inspired - everyday!

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Spiritual Sunday - Take a chill pill, Martha

This is a story from the life of Jesus - the central characters being Jesus himself and two sisters - Mary and Martha whose family were very close to Jesus. One evening as Jesus and his disciples were going home they passed Martha and Mary's home and were invited in for a meal. I think it was pretty brave of the ladies to issue a spur-of-the-moment invite to a group of hungry men! Having done that, Martha got herself in to a tizzy with get the meal ready, sitting the table to feed her guests. And while she running around being a busybody, her sister Mary, sat at the feet of Jesus listening to what he had to say. The busier Martha got, the more irritated she got at the lack of help from her sister. Finally, in frustration, she turns to Jesus and says, "Tell her to help me." 

Here's what Jesus had to say: "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:38-42)

Hmmm....so did Jesus not believe in hard work, being hospitable or helping others? No. If you notice he gently calms and rebukes Martha at the same time. He finds fault with Martha's anxiety and busyness.She is so busy trying to be hospitable that she actually doesn't spend time with Jesus and, only goes to him to complain - about how hard she's working and how little her sister is helping. Maybe, secretly Martha wanted to show how much better she was than Mary - work is worship and all that........

I love this story because it teaches us how often we take the presence of God for granted. We know he's 'there' but don't make the effort to spend time with him. And when we do take the time it is to register our complaints about life and ask for favors!

What we need to do is to regularly 

a. Stop

b. Relax

c. Sit in the presence of God and listen silently. No need of words, complaints...favors.....

d. Just BE.

Here's a beautiful prayer from one of my favorite spiritual writers - Eddie Askew. 

Lord, when I think about it,

I reckon I sometimes come to you

to show you how much I'm doing.

To encourage you to tell me

what a hardworking, good and faithful servant

I really am.

I sometimes wonder how you'd get on without me!

Forgive my pride, Lord.

Forgive me for believing there are no limits

to what I can do.

Forgive me for trying to do so much for you

that I do most of it badly.

Forgive my arrogance 

that says if I don't do it 

it'll never get done at all.

Give me the humility to see 

that the more I try to do

the more I'm shutting other people out. 

Letting them think they're not needed.

Not encouraging them, because it's all better done my way.

And when my energy is draining away

like water down the whirlpool of my own frantic busyness

slow me down. 

Gently. Lovingly.

Help me to relax in you.

Help me to understand that your kingdom is on its way

even when I can't take on any more.

Help me to realize 

that when there seems to be no one else around

do all that needs doing.

You are. 

What better day than a Sunday to spend some time relaxing and be-ing?

May you be inspired - everyday!

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