December 31, 2009

Welcome 2010!

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“…to make an end is to make a beginning.”
— T.S. Eliot


Thank you for your response to my post yesterday. I promised to share my answers with you - so here goes:

If you were to FULLY live your life, what is the first change you would start to make?

That's a difficult question to answer because there are many changes I want to and need to make in the way I live my life. But the first change would be - to keep my promises to myself. These promises include making better use of my time and taking better care of my health.

What do you want MORE of in your life?
  • Positive energy - to achieve what I set out to do.
  • Gratitude - to have a truly grateful heart - I have so much to be thankful for.
  • Generosity of spirit - to think better of people and situations and to see some one's need and reach out.
  • Humor - not to take myself too seriously.
  • Openness to criticism - to take feedback positively and look for how I can change.
  • Dreaming - I want to continue to dream and work on my dreams.
  • Reading- a lot of catching up to do.
  • Openness to inspiration - to make a conscious decision to be inspired - inspiration is all around me.

What do you want LESS of in your life?
  • Regrets - no looking back.
  • Procrastination - especially in the area of my fitness.
  • Bitterness - towards people who've hurt me
  • Pettiness - being small minded

What are three things you are doing regularly that don't serve or support you?
  • Wasting time - sometimes surfing the Internet too much, or working on a blog template rather than content!
  • Putting off my walks or yoga sessions
  • Negative talk about people and situations - especially in the past - serves no purpose at all.
What would you try now if you knew you could not fail?

I've always wanted to learn swimming because I love water. However, in 2007, I went for a few coaching sessions at which I failed miserably. I would try to learn again.....

It would be easy for me not to make any promises to myself for 2010 - having been so bad at keeping these in the past. But every new brings a new promise. In the words of G K Chesterton, The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.

Wishing you a new soul in the new year!



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December 30, 2009

Pounding on an open door?



It's that time of the year again for me - a time when as another year approaches, full of promise, I want to renew some promises to myself too.

The other day I came across this most powerful quote :

How long will you keep pounding on an open door
Begging for someone to open it?
~ Rabi'a al-'Adawiyya

It really hit home. Too often, we're waiting for something or someone to kick start us on our way to achieving our dreams, when the power to make them come true is within us. So I'm not going to wait around an open door, but walk right in and make my dreams come true.

A few questions that I need to answer for myself are:

1. If you were to FULLY live your life, what is the first change you would start to make?
2. What do you want MORE of in your life? (Make a list)
3. What do you want LESS of in your life? (Make a list)
4. What are three things you are doing regularly that don't serve or support you?
5. What would you try now if you knew you could not fail?

I'm going to be working on my answers and share them with you tomorrow. If you'd like to share your answers with me, do write to me: everydaygyaan@gmail.com.

Remember your dreams have been given to you for a purpose - it's your duty to make them come true.

December 29, 2009

Nudge Your Dormant Happiness

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A few months ago we 'found' each other in ' world of bloggers that creates opportunities to meet so many like-minded people around the globe you would never encounter otherwise. Zeenat Merchant Syal is a lovely lady who is originally from Mumbai (where I live now)and now lives in Hyderabad (where I lived until three years ago!!). We've been cheering each other on ever since. That Zeenat was able to grow her blog and contacts in the short time she's been around, is proof of the ease with which she connects with people the world.

Zeenat Merchant Syal is a Practicing Counseling Psychologist/Spiritual Counselor and Naturopath with degrees in Motivational and Counseling Psychology. She also holds degrees in various fields of Holistic and Naturopathic Medicine. Her blog, Positive Provocations, focuses on Positive Thinking through Healing the Mind, Body, Heart and Soul. Zeenat says she istrying to heal the world one blog post at a time - spreading positivity, motivation, inspiration, love and Happiness. Subscribe to her blog updates by RSS or Email.

Thank you, Zeenat for this post and for being such a good role model of a truly happy person!





We have all been hearing and reading so much about Happiness.

How to find happiness? How to be Happy? How to .....blah blah blah....the books on the subject are endless, and the money people have made cause of this very topic are millions and millions. Everyone seems to want to cash in on this rage of Happiness.

But, is it really a rage?? Or is it our own insecurities and unhappiness, that is giving these money making books(which are only slightly helpful), the fuel to become national or international bestsellers?

This is not going to be one of those articles where I tell you how to find happiness. Why? Simply cause I believe happiness is within each and every one of us. We need not look for it elsewhere. We don't need to search for happiness, because it can never be found!

It's inside of our hearts and just needs a bit of a loving nudge from our side. What can you do that will nudge this dormant happiness to come out and be felt and experienced? 1, 2, 3, 4...that's it!

1. Give Give Give- Give with all your heart and soul. Give your love, give your affection, give your smiles, give your time, give whatever you can to those who need it. Whether it's the poor, whether it's your family, friends, neighbors, acquaintances or just someone who passes you by on the street. Give whatever you can and see how good you feel. That feeling, that is happiness that you are feeling...right there when you give something to someone. It's indescribable yet felt so deeply...sometimes you just break down.

2. Help Help Help- Helping another human being is the simplest task in the world. Yet we have made it out to be such a big deal. It's simple, just open your heart and talk to another person. Know and understand what it is that's troubling them, and help. Help in whatever way you can. Sometimes just talking to another person, lending a loving ear is help for that person. Just being there for someone when they need support, is help. Babysitting your neighbor's kids for an hour or two while she runs an important errand is help. But help from your heart and do it with a genuine smile on your face and in your heart. The feeling that comes of being of service or help to another human being is Happiness. You feel it when you see the other person you 're helping breathe a sigh of relief.

3. Love Love Love- Loving has been grossly understated lately. I don't mean the muah muah on the cheek showoff kind of love. I mean the real genuine felt from the heart and soul kind of love. Love everyone, love everything. Love the good, love the bad, love the nice, love the not so nice, love the mean and rude, love the shy and moody, love the small faults, love the little things, love everything! It's Simple, yet it can be a daunting task if you're used to feeling from your mind ONLY! Do every act with genuine love without even a hint of malice within you and see how you feel. That feeling of bliss and clarity, that's happiness.

4. Purpose Purpose Purpose- We are all living a life that has been overshadowed by our past experiences. Our life's purpose today has become having money and leading a comfortable life. But, is that really a purpose that brings you happiness? A purpose is something far greater than that and no amount of material objects like big cars or big houses or big money can bring you even remotely close to that purpose. YOUR Purpose of being in this world....what is it? The minute you have discovered your purpose for living..you will have hit an all time jackpot of happiness.

Happiness can never be found. You can read umpteen books. You can attend hundreds of lectures. You wont find it anywhere but within YOURSELF. The key is to know yourself and then as simple as 1 2 3 4!

GIVE, LOVE, HELP, PURPOSE

What is my definition of Happiness? A state of euphoria that comes from overcoming the hallucinations of the separate self. Happiness, that has reason, is usually a form of misery as the reason can be taken away from you at anytime. I am a happy person because my life has love, meaning and purpose.

Happiness means soulful bliss in all aspects and walks of life.

Zeenat Merchant-Syal
Counselling Psychologist & Naturopath
Email- zeenatsyal@live.com
Blog- Positive Provocations
Facebook- Zeenat Merchant-Syal
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December 28, 2009

Lost In The Woods?

Lost In The Woods
Originally uploaded by stickyak8
Have you ever had one of those moments when you think, "This is the worst moment in my entire life. I don't know how I'm going to make it from here." And it's always worse when you know that this has come about because of wrong choices you've made.

A few years back I had a moment like this. Correction - I had several moments like this in two year period. I made some wrong choices. I allowed myself to emotional blackmail and verbal abuse. I parted with my self-esteem, my self-confidence, and yes, even my money!

When I look back at this time and wonder what made me sink deeper and deeper, here are some of reasons I come up with.

1. Not trusting my own instincts: I knew deep within me that the choices that I was making were not good for me, but I shut out that inner voice and attempted to lie to myself.

2. Suffering from a I-know-it-all-syndrome: I refused to listen to the advice of those who loved and knew me. I thought I knew it all and since I didn't want to hear what I didn't want to hear, I just shut out these voices of concern.

3. Suffering from a poor-me syndrome: I must warn you that this one is a sure killer. There's nothing worse than feeling sorry for yourself.

4. Not seeking opportunities of growth: I didn't read the kind of books that would inspire me. I gave up on attending programs that would challenge me to change.

5. Not reaching out for help: Instead of sharing my situation and fears with people who could have helped me, I kept things to myself and attempted to manage on my own.

What happened to me is what Elizabeth Gilbert describes in her must-read book 'Eat, Pray, Love': When you're lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you've just wandered off the path, that you'll find your way back to the trail head any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and its time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don't even know from which direction the sun rises any more.

Eventually I did reach that time when I admitted I was lost in the woods.Strangely that was also a moment of great clarity. I realized how utterly foolish I had been. I had been selling myself short by not giving myself the love and respect I deserved.And most of all I realized that I had to start my life over.

Here are some steps I took towards this:

1. Working on my thoughts: According to Dr Wayne Dyer 'The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind.' This, from my experience, is very true. I worked on my mind and belief systems.

2. Taking responsibility: I stopped feeling like a victim and took responsibility for the consequences of my choices and for the feelings that followed. I stopped blaming others including the persons who had taken advantage of me.

3. Desiring to be happy: Now, I'm sure you find this funny. You're going to say, 'Who doesn't want to be happy?'. The strange thing is often we don't really want to be happy - we're so used to being depressed and unhappy. The proof of desiring happiness is in the pursuit of it. By thinking happy thoughts, hanging out with happy people and seeking happy places, we demonstrate our desire to be happy. That's exactly what I did. I reordered my mind to think happy!

3. Dreaming again: When I got 'lost' I gave up on my dreams. Now, I dared to dream again.

4. Praying again: I began to spend a few minutes in prayer - various kinds - meditation, quiet time, reading a reflection, writing a reflection and often just crying! This was a time of healing and letting go of the pain of failure and the feeling of being 'lost'.

So that is how I wandered out of the woods and put my life back on the path it was meant to go on - back to myself as I was meant to be. Of course, I've got miles to go but the journey is not clouded by self-inflicted pain any more. Now I am filled with ideas and dreams.....and a lot of love for myself.

So if you've wandered off in to the woods, it's never too late to find yourself again and it's never too late to be happy!




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December 25, 2009

The God Of Surprises

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Christmas is usually a time of great expectation - we expect to have a good time, we expect to get some good gifts, we expect to be happy.....and sometimes we're disappointed. However, the real message of Christmas about what we don't expect.

God surprised everybody that first Christmas. Elizabeth didn't expect to have a baby in her age. The young girl, Mary, couldn't believe when the angel told her that she was to be the mother of the Son of God. Joseph, certainly didn’t expect his betrothed to be pregnant. Herod was taken aback by the news of a threat to his throne. The shepherds were surprised to see angels in their fields! The Magi didn’t expect to find the Savior of the world born in a manger in a poor little country village like Bethlehem. The whole thing was a surprise!

This year we've experienced God just the way He was on that first Christmas - a God of surprises. We've been surprised by unexpected illnesses and the tragic death of a loved one. But most of all we've been surprised by joy - the joy in knowing that the God of surprises will see us through - and indeed He has.

This Christmas José and I wish you too the knowledge that God is with you - Emmanuel. We wish you happy memories and all the joys of Christmas today and through the New Year.



This hauntingly beautiful song - When a Child is Born - is a song of hope, sung by the child protege, Connie Talbot. Enjoy!





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December 24, 2009

The Christmas Spirit: I Believe….

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I came across this beautiful affirmation which seemed so relevant to me this Christmas Eve:

I believe that Christmas is more than a time for parties and ornaments; it is a time for remembering Christ and the incarnation of God’s love in human flesh.

I believe there are gifts more important than the ones under the Christmas tree, the things we teach our children, the way we share ourselves with friends, and the industry with which we set about reshaping the world in our time.

I believe that the finest carols are often sung by the poorest voices; from hearts made warm by the wonder of the season.

I believe in the angel’s message that we should not be afraid—that the Child of Bethlehem is able to overcome all anxieties and insecurities.

I believe in prayer and quietness as a way of appropriating Christmas—that if I wait in silence I will experience the presence of the one born in the manger, for he lives today as surely as he lived then.

I believe in going away from Christmas as the wise men went: "another way." I want to be different when these days are past — more centered, more thoughtful, more caring.

And I believe God will help me. Amen.




Here's my favorite Christmas carol - O, Holy Night - what a beautiful melody:








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December 23, 2009

The Christmas Spirit: One World

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I couldn't resist clicking a picture of these lovely children playing around Carter Road, Mumbai, early one morning. Do you see what I see?

Yesterday, I watched a little girl, hardly five, the daughter of laborers working on the road outside our house. She was in charge of her baby brother/sister who she invented little games to amuse her sibling. No toys, just an old towel!

Later, last evening, I heard loud music, and an even louder Emcee in the skyscraper at the back of our building. It was a Christmas party for the children of the building. The Emcee kept yelling out instructions for the games...Santa visited...the children were constantly entertained.

Well, I'll tell you what I see:
  • The children of the poor find ways to amuse themselves while the more 'privileged' children have to be entertained.
  • What Christmas message are we giving our children? Is Christmas a time only for parties, music, and gifts?
  • Wouldn't it be wonderful if all these children could celebrate Christmas together?
I was glad that I witnessed one such celebration, earlier in the week. I watched the children of the buildings and the children from orphanages entertain each other and us all. Thanks to the inspiration, hard work and generosity of a lovely couple - Clement and Annabelle De Sylva and and their neighbors and friends of St Anthony's Road, Bandra.

Isn't the message of Christmas this that through the birth of God among us, we are one world, all brothers? Isn't the spirit of Christmas this that we share and reach out?



Lyrics of 'One World'
I hear a baby crying
A sad sound, a lonely sound
I want to take her in my arms
And then I dry away all her tears

I see a boy, who's frightened
A young boy, with old eyes
I long to say 'You're welcome here,
You can be happy now that you're warm'

We're all a part of one world
We all can share the same dream
And if you just reach out to me
Then you will find deep down inside
I'm just like you

Loud voices raised in anger
Speak harsh words, such cruel words
Why do they speak so selfishly
When we have got so much we can share?

So let your hearts be open
And reach out with all your love
There are no strangers now
They are our brothers now
And we are one

We're all a part of one world
We all can share the same dream
And if you just reach out to me
Then will find deep down inside
I'm just like you









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December 22, 2009

The Christmas Spirit: Gifts that Give

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As you must have realized I'm doing a Christmas series and since I've started out rather too close to the day, there's going to be a flurry of posts!

Here's a true story by Nancy Gavin that was published in Woman's Day magazine in 1982. Nancy passed away two years after the article was published. However, the story inspired The White Envelope Project and website.

I hope you are inspired by this story as much as I am.



It's just a small, white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past 10 years or so.

It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas - oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it - overspending, the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma - the gifts given in desperation because you couldn't think of anything else.

Knowing that he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts, sweaters, and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual way.

Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended. Shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church, mostly black. These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes.

As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears. It was a luxury the team obviously could not afford. Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn't acknowledge defeat.

Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly. "I wish just one of them could have won," he said. "They have a lot of potential, but losing like this could take the heart right out of them."

Mike loved kids - all kids - and he knew them, having coached youth league football, baseball, and lacrosse. That's when the idea for his present came. That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church.

On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year, and in succeeding years. For each Christmas, I followed the tradition - one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on.

The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing opened on Christmas morning and our children, ignoring their new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents. As the children grew, their toys gave way to more practical presents, but the envelope never lost its allure.

The story doesn't end there.

You see, we lost Mike last year to dreaded cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree, and in the morning, it was joined by three more.

Each of our children, unbeknown to the others, had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown, and someday will expand even further, with our grandchildren standing around the tree with wide-eyed anticipation, watching as their fathers take down the envelope.

Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit, will always be with us. May we all remember the true reason for the season, this year and always.




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The Christmas Spirit: The best decoration

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Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles.
~Author Unknown


I thought that this was such a powerful quote. This year we're not decorating for Christmas - my husband and I just don't feel like it! So I think we'll stick to this advice and just be wreathed in smiles instead!

Hope your preparations for Christmas are keeping you happy and wreathed in smiles - if not, may be you need to consider whether it's worth it at all?



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December 16, 2009

The Chosen One

"Humour is the rubber sword which I use to make my point while not drawing blood!", says Gopinath Mavinkurve. So my request to Gopinath to write a guest post on the subject of choosing happiness, he says, challenged his writing abilities. My request resulted in him writing his first short story! So I'm doubly honored by this - his agreeing to write for Everyday Gyaan and him writing a lovely little story too.

'The Chosen One' shows how happiness is not in our circumstances but in our choices!

Thank you, Gopi.




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Yash swung in his chair, or we could say, throne – a swiveling one, chosen in keeping with the times to run his business empire. “Got to go”, he announced to his business partners and his most prized customer. For a head honcho of a reputed business empire, an act of leaving his team as early as 5 pm was rather surprising. There couldn’t have been another business engagement and he wouldn’t be planning to attend a New Year’s eve party! Especially considering what had happened just 2 years ago. He had been regularly putting in late hours to building his business venture, of late. But the phenomenal growth that one had witnessed before had been halted in its tracks now. But he kept at it – after all experiencing ‘no growth’ was better than going ‘down the hill’, as some of his competitors were experiencing in these tough times!

“We’ll take care of the proceedings, Sir” said his most trusted aide. “Of course, Harsh”, he smiled at him reassuringly, “Do carry on the discussions, folks. See you tomorrow”, he said, turning to the others. Necks turned, eyes followed him all the way out, eyebrows were raised, hushed tones asked of one another, but no one knew, everyone only wondered??? Everyone except Yash, who was all too excited and couldn’t wait to reach home to receive Asha, who would arrive home on this celebrated day. He had been waiting for this day for it had been promising them a beginning of a new phase of his married life, when he would devote less time to his growing business and more time to the newcomer, their Asha.

Was Asha really returning home again? Yes. Yash had chosen to believe so. Asha was born to Yash and Yamini 7 years ago on this day. Oh so it was her birthday? It was – or at least Yash believed it was! But how would this little Asha react to the razzle-dazzle of the decorated and done-up swanky mansion, when she would arrive home today? He had done all that he could so the infant would like her new home and her new parents – rather, her own home and her own parents. She was barely one year old and Yash had chosen to celebrate her birthday on the same day as Asha’s birthday – on the 1st of January every year. After all, the NGO had no record of the abandoned child on their records. Adopting Asha had taken some time, inspite of Yash’s connections in the regional bureaucracy.

Asha, their biological child, born 7 years ago to Yash and Yamini, was a bundle of joy for the young couple, a reason to celebrate life together after 5 years of their marriage. A reason for Yash to come home early. A hope for all. Being born on the 1st of January, the first day of the New Year, the most hopeful day, lived in anticipation of better days, of a brighter future, of new beginnings, new alliances, new opportunities. It was not just an easy-to- remember date - it was a date many waited for that put an end of a burdened year, one wanted to get over with. The year in which, news channels blared out gory stories of murders, rapes - and accidents. One always hoped for a New Year to bring changes for the better, there was always hope- Asha.

It was on one such New Year eve, just two years ago, when Yash had planned to usher in the New Year - and of course, Asha’s birthday, with Yamini and Asha and some select deserving staff working hard with him to build his business, at a very popular resort on the outskirts of the buzzing city. His business had been on the upswing ever since Asha was born 5 years ago, so when some mentioned little Asha’s bringing good luck for the enterprise, Yash was quick to add modestly – “But then, it couldn’t have happened without your efforts, guys.”

So the partying began, the sparkling bubbly sprang into action, excited chatter and song and dance reached a crescendo, just as the effect of the assorted spirits did on the revelers, by the time it was midnight. That was when the New Year – and Asha’s birthday was ushered in. Everyone wanted to be first to wish Asha! The cake with 3 candles on it, was ready to be cut, but who would choose to wait? A handshake here, a kiss and hug there! Blessed was our Asha, Yash thought. Little did they know that it was just hours before Asha would bid them a tearful farewell for her heavenly abode.

Would the accident have happened if they weren’t all in a drunken state, some wondered. As they were about to seat herself in the car, the balloon set itself free from little Asha’s hands and she playfully chased it – and before the rushing little girl could be stopped, a speeding car swerved into her. Was the driver drunk? He must’ve been, some said, for the manner in which he sped or atleast sped away into the dark.

“He has been an occasional social drinker, but now he will take to drinks to drown his sorrows”, some said. But Yash didn’t. He chose abstinence and gave up alcohol altogether, instead. He would lose interest in business and life, some said in hushed tones. He didn’t – he worked hard. He was battered alright, but not down and out. He chose to keep going at work, with more determination to get out of a vicious downward spiral, to lift himself back and launch himself into an orbit – because that is where he chose to belong – in an orbit – not in a spiral.

Last year’s new year eve was a lonely, quiet and somber affair. A private one – just Yash and Yamini. At their place - no music, no dance, no candles, no cake, no drinks. Only tears, memories, solemn thoughts. Some questions gate-crashed in their private gathering – only in thought, not as spoken words. The speeding car, his inebriated state, the faces who had been cheerfully waving goodbye and yes, not to forget - the balloon. Little Asha had always been fascinated by balloons! She had all the latest toys that money could buy – but this humble inflated rubber, which had the reputation of bursting in her hands and making her to cry at the happiest of occasions, always held her fancy. Yet it was this balloon, which hadn’t burst – why hadn’t it burst like all the previous ones? Why had it chosen not to…and chosen instead, to escape… and to make everyone cry?

Finally, Yash broke the silence “Let us bring Asha back into our lives, Yamini”. But how was that possible? After what the gynaec had told them when Asha was born? “Let us adopt an infant girl from the NGO who assists people to adopt abandoned children. We will call her Asha….”. There was more silence, actually dollops of it, more tears, until what he had suggested actually sunk in. “When can we go?” she had asked.

This new year would be somewhat different. They had chosen to bring Asha into their lives and to celebrate her birthday on 1st of Jan each year. The coming year would usher in a new hope in their chosen life in their orbit of happiness, instead of the downward spiral of depression and escapism.


© Gopinath Mavinkurve

Gopinath M. Mavinkurve is a hobbyist writer and blogger based in Mumbai, India. His first book of compilations of select humorous "ArTicKles” and articles is available on the net at http://pothi.com/pothi/book/gopinath-mavinkurve-artickles-collection. Readers may read his future posts in his humor blog, which he periodically updates at http://whatnonsanz.blogspot.com/. He is also a professional management expert in the field of foreign trade policy and procedures specializing in setting up and operations of Special Economic Zones, Export Oriented Units and trade facilitation.

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December 10, 2009

Do You Use Guest Towels ?

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I came across this wonderful piece of writing by Elizabeth Grant this morning and was compelled to seek her permission to post it here. I was amazed at the warmth of Elizabeth's mail to me and so glad that she gave me permission to share this post with you.

Thanks Beth - I'm sure Everyday Gyaan readers will appreciate and benefit from your wisdom!



One of the greatest obstacles I see with clients is that people have trouble valuing themselves highly. Somewhere along the line, they took on a belief that they aren't worth much.

A friend of mine is an artist, and she's really struggling with this. She feels discomfort charging people for what she loves doing anyway. I told her, "My hairstylist, doctor and realtor love what they do. But I expect to pay them, just like I would expect to pay you for one of the beautiful glass pieces you create." The fact is people feel "icky" getting something for nothing.

I know a man who is a wedding photographer. He decided when he launched his career that he would be "the" photographer for high-end weddings in his area. He averages $80,000 per wedding - more than four times what most people pay for their entire wedding! Now, does he have to deliver, so to speak, to charge that much? Well, yes, he has to be a very good photographer. But is he 20 times better than people charging $4,000? No way. People are willing to pay him $80,000 because he told them he is worth $80,000.

A few years ago, three friends were supposed to come and stay with me for the weekend. In preparing for the visit, I realized I only had one set of guest towels. So I went out and bought two more sets. Something came up at the last minute, and they weren't able to make it. The following Monday, I was telling my friend about it. I said, "I guess I'll just return the towels since I don't need them anymore." She said, "What do you usually dry yourself with?"

I said, "The old towels."

She asked me to describe the towels to her. "Well, they don't match my new bathroom colors, and a lot of them have stains from coloring my hair," I said. "And a few of them have rips and snags from trips through the washing machine gone bad."

She said, "And if you had a new set, what would you be doing with these towels?" I thought about this for a second and said, "Cut them up and use them as rags, I guess."

After a pause she said, "So, basically, what you're saying is you dry yourself with rags."

In realizing what I'd been doing, we burst into laughter. Oh my goodness, she was right. I valued others' comfort much more than my own. It was such a perfect metaphor for what I thought of myself! That night, I went home and took all the old towels out of my closet and put them where the belonged ... in the rag basket!

A strange thing happens when we value ourselves highly. People first gauge our value by what we tell them it is. Then, we show them who we are. Then, they form a judgment as to whether or not we are worth that amount of money, effort or attention. When we undervalue ourselves, it's not a case of people thinking, "Wow! I really got a bargain!" (I mean that both in terms of money and of emotional effort.) It's human nature to treat things better that have a higher value.

How highly do you value yourself? Do you keep a neat and clean home, or quickly clean before guests come over? In relationships, do you tolerate unloving and substandard behavior from people? Do you value yourself enough to eat healthy foods, and take care of your body? Do you value yourself enough to charge what you're worth?

And of course, I just have to ask: Do you value yourself enough to use the guest towels?

Elizabeth A. Grant is a writer, editor and life coach. She specializes in helping people make their dreams a reality. She can be reached at http://www.thequantumcoach.net and http://www.bethgrant.com


December 8, 2009

Happiness: Is It Hiding In Plain Sight?

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When I came across Christopher Foster's blog, The Happy Seeker a few months ago, I felt a deep connection with his thoughts. It's hard to explain but every time I visit his blog I feel a sense of peace and am always inspired.

Naturally I attempted to connect with Christoper and was delighted when he responded very positively. Here's what he had to say about my blog: I love the photo at the top of your home page of the Mumbai train. I did visit Bombay (as it used to be) a number of times back in the 70's and I enjoy re-connecting with that ambiance through your blog.

Christopher is the author of 'The Raven Who Spoke To God', a heartwarming story of a young raven who believes there is more to life than eating and playing, but faces obstacles at every turn as he seeks to understand and realize his life's true purpose. The book is also an invitation to step outside our busy world and experience the serenity of Now - the simple joy of Being.

I'm honored that Christopher allowed me to share his post on Happiness here. Thank you Chris for the inspiration and the generosity!




This is a post about happiness, and the strange, paradoxical truth that little, apparently inconsequential things often have more power to actually deliver on happiness than the big, ambitious schemes we sometimes dream up.

The beauty of letting the little moments of our life be an aperture for happiness is it takes no effort and doesn’t cost any money. The moments are happening anyway – we simply open our eyes to what we have perhaps overlooked before.

Here are one or two examples.

Every once in a while, in my exchanges with my wife JoAnn, I succeed in saying something that is at least a little bit funny – funny enough anyway that it provokes some spontaneous laughter in her. Three or four days ago, I suddenly noticed how at a certain point when she has been laughing awhile she pauses and says, "Oh heck." It’s been going on for years. I realized how much I love hearing these two simple little words in this context.

I also became more consciously aware of something else that happens when she laughs. She always finishes her laugh with a warble or two -- don’t know how else to describe it. It seems to come from somewhere deep in her throat and it sounds like happiness humming to itself.

I shared a joke with my doctor today. He’s a great guy. We were talking on the phone, and he was apologizing for the fact that he was croaking because of a bad cold.

As the conversation came to a close I couldn't resist it. I said, "I've got one or two good medical books here, Dr. Thom. Maybe there's something I could do to help with your cold."

I'm afraid my jokes don't always work. But I think this one did, because he began wheezing with laughter. It may sound strange. But there was as much happiness in me in that simple little moment as when I walked up the gangway of a Holland America cruise ship a few years ago at the start of a Caribbean cruise with JoAnn.

Perhaps the expectations we load on to “big” events work against us sometimes? Reality has a difficult time living up to them?

In any event, I find more and more that there is gold – the gold of joy, the gold of eternal happiness and love – waiting for me always in the little everyday moments of my life. It’s “hiding in plain sight.” All it seems to need from me is my attention.





December 5, 2009

Gratitude: Make Friends With It

Please allow me to introduce my (somewhat) new friend to you. I've experienced the power of gratitude over the last few years and would recommend it to everyone!




Let's see what the dictionary says about gratitude:
grat-ti-tude [grat-i-tood, -tyood]: n. 1. a feeling of deep appreciation; 2. a positive emotion that involves a desire to thank another 3. the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful.

I strongly recommend that you too make friends with Gratitude and here's two reasons why:

1. Gratitude attracts abundance:
Christian mystic Meister Eckhart said, "If the only prayer you say in your whole life is 'thank you,' that would suffice." I suspect he is right. Suppose you did a big favor for someone and they didn't even bother to thank you. It's hardly likely that you would do them another favor or give them another gift! It's the same with Life - if you want to receive more blessings and enjoy all that life has in store for you - you have first of all got to appreciate what you have already. Like Oprah Winfrey says: Be thankful for what you have and you will end up having more. But if you concentrate on what you don't have, you'll never, ever have enough.


2. Gratitude makes you content:
Focusing on being grateful leads you to feel happy, full and complete. Scientific research shows that gratitude is one of those positive emotions that helps to enhance the body's immune system. A feeling of gratitude can release endorphins in to the blood stream. Endorphins work as natural pain killers, that stimulate the blood vessels and relax the heart and make you feel content

If you want a most eloquent reason to be grateful here's what Melody Beattie says: Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

My recommendation to you:

Spend a few minutes everyday focusing on what you are grateful for. Let gratitude sweep over you. I promise you it will help to get rid of fear and stress and lead to a feeling of well-being. Try it - you have nothing to lose and all the world to gain!



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December 4, 2009

Gratitude: Express It!

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I got this beautiful poster in my inbox and had to share it with you!



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